I fly off the handle when anyone changes something that is in my personal space i.e my room in my parents house (where I don't want to be living, but I can't help it currently) When I know one of them has been in here.. up lifted my wardrobe or have painted a patch of my ceiling.. I can't help but feel ill 😐 I don't like the concept of someone being around my space and changing things when I'm not there.
It makes me feel crazier, but I can't tolerate it. I have no idea why, its just another gift I've been landed with. All they are doing is trying to help me.. I'm sure they don't do these things to irritate me, but in the process they just can't help it.
This space has become the only place I can call my own and I think I may be feeling my indepence is completely shattered when they come in here and alter things. I've not lived at home for three years and I'm not I'm back here until I make enough on my own to move out. I can't really stand the idea that I can't get out and that when they come in here and change things or move things it makes me feel even more powerless.
I'm not sure if it makes sense to anyone else, but feeling in control of something is really important to me. My thoughts are hard enough to understand and keep a hold of enough as it is.
I felt I just need to let this out here so I didn't get into a silly fight with the parents. Not to sound totally teenage and pathetic, but they don't and will never understand what goes on in my little warped mind… I don't so I don't expect them to. I do end up feeling guilty for having small outburst, but I just can't help it, it feels so neccessary in the moment. Seems silly after a while… So my ceiling looks stupid because my dad painted half of it and left the rest… There's nothing I can do to change it, might as well take it in and accept it as a stupid quirk of the room.
Who knows, maybe it will inspire a re-decorate.
Sounds like you have been living away from home up until recently? I\'m assuming you were away at school or something similar? I think the way you are feeling is pretty normal, you\'ve been away from home, growing up, living independently. But, when we move back home, it\'s like things revert back to when we were teenagers again, our parents fall into old habits, and sometimes we do to and even forget we are adults now…I don\'t even live at home but I fall into this pattern when I visit home for a long weekend. Don\'t lose perspective, I assume this is a temporary solution? It sounds like you\'re planning to move out. So, look at it like that, just a pit stop to the next venture in your life. Def keep your parents in the loop, a little calm communication can go a long way, something as simple as \”dad, I really appreciate you letting me move home for the time being but I\”m an adult now and it\'s important for me to have my own space, please ask me before you change my space, I know you\'re intentions are good but please ask\” Plus, this will keep tension and outbursts at bay and make it an overall better environment for the time being. I have to remind myself when I visit home that I\'m an adult now, I am no longer powerless, I have a very domineering mother that always left me feeling powerless and out of control during my teenage years, but now I have the power and so do you 🙂
I really think that it is really just an issue of being an adult and wanting them to respect your space. It is especially hard after not living there for a while. Have you tried asking them if they would please at least tell you before they plan to do anything to your room, if not ask permission before doing it? And that you prefer to be there for it.
Maybe explain to them that while you appreciate that they let you live there and are just trying to improve the room, you really get uncomfortable when you feel like your space has been invaded.
I used to get the same way with my parents and after I reminded them I am an adult and do expect a certain level of privacy. At first they acted like I was being bratty but eventually they respected it and just told me before doing anything in my room. I think they just tend to fall back into the old habits they had when we were little kids like walking into our room and doing whatever.
My mom is also super controlling like anxietycoach\'s and needs to be frequently reminded that while I appreciate her, I am an adult and fully capable of handling most things on my own. If I need help I will ask.
Thanks for you comments! I really appreciate the help and I do agree entirely with the things your both saying. I think its true, they have fallen into the old ways I\'m their youngest which in some ways makes them even worse, but I just don\'t think they fully grasp how precious I feel about my space.. but at the same time i feel guilty for getting a bit annoyed with them. It\'s just something I think we all have to adapt to, they\'re not quite used to it fully yet that I\'m here for good and not going back to uni again – as I recently graduated in May – but I also have to understand that this is the family house and I need to respect it as much as it is their space.
I think I have a bit more perspective now, but I always fly my feelings out here it really helps – especially when there is understanding feedback!
Thanks x