I know I’ve been lazy when it comes to posting, I’m sorry, school has been brutal. I can’t say I hate my new school, since I had to transfer from Montville because I live with my father, but I can’t say I like it either, I don’t have many real friends, save one guy named Eric. He’s been really sweet to me, and has invited me to join a lot of clubs and other things. But aside from that, I don’t really do a lot. I can’t really, my father doesn’t have a car anymore and I have to take cabs back and forth from work on the weekends.
I am still working, but the hours are lousy and I am making no money. But, that’s not what’s bothering me the most. Two nights ago it struck me that the doctors gave my mother five years to live. I suddenly realized that night, that my mother wouldn’t be around to help me pick a wedding dress or plan things like that. That made me miserable, and I had to sit down and cry. I told my best friend Omeed, and all he could tell me was that it was sad.
I couldn’t tell Mozzy at all, he always tells me that I should have hope that she’ll live longer, but the problem is the longer she lives the more time she’ll spend as a vegetable. I always get such mixed messages from him. He either tells me not to get my hopes up, or to hold onto those hopes. I don’t know. All I know is that I love him.
He gave me a christmas gift, I still haven’t sent his and I keep adding to it. He gave me a beautiful necklace and two stuffed toys, a snowman and a monkey, along with a box of chocolates. The chocolates are long gone but I savored them, and the monkey goes to bed with me at night. I wear his necklace, and the one Omeed gave me (they compete a lot. I dare not wear one without the other) every day, or I have it on my person, like in my purse or pocket.
I feel really lonely tribe, I lost a lot of friends in the transfer and I guess they weren’t really friends if they didn’t keep in touch, but I miss even that bland interaction. I feel like I am treading water, and it would just be nice to tread water next to someone, so in between labored panting there could be a slight exchange of one liners or smiles. I won’t lie, I want someone to just distract me. I don’t need to share my pain or have someone console me, just distract me until things get better like everyone tells me they will.