I am trying to stop smoking weed and drinking. it feels so hard, so unconvient. all of my friends smoke and drink. I have been examiing the way I use. how i did coke for 3 years when I was in my teens, went to rehab, started engaging in my eating disoerder more and started smoking and drinking daily and and in a few other drugs here and there. this isnt how i want to live my life anymore. I have told my husband this that i dont want to drink and smoke. he was supportive at first but when i had my first slip up he must of thought i wasnt seriousy about recovery. Drug and alcohol problems run in my family and i know this is going to be hard. today after a long day in training i was commited to not drinking and smoking knowing we didnt have any booze or bud at the house. then my husband picked me up with three suprizes. one he brought me a bowl of weed to smoke, two he made us a home made soup and bisquet dinner, three he got vodka and made me a drink. I was like i told you i didnt want to drink or smoke but then i did. the past weeks have been even worse. i told my thereapist i wanted to stop smoking weed about 3 weeks ago and an inner rebioulian started. I smoked so much in one week and started drinking alot. Then i was able to stop smoking but really hit the bottle. I tried going to a NA meeting but no one was there. then i tried going to a aa meeting but i got really scared or anxious half way through and left. I am going to go to another NA meeting this week.

I know I want to quite but I also feel like I am at this wanting to want. Does it get better? I feel scared, and alone, and thanksgiving quickly approaching. Sorry this was such a ramble.