Thank you for your support! Things HAVE gotten better for me. Funny thing that week I found myself unable to talk to God…. Something was stopping me…. it's something hard to describe because it sounds kinda strange… & it felt even stranger! Best I can explain it was it felt like a wall. I had no intentions of sharing my fall with my group… TOO ASHAMED….. God was no doubt at work… just did not know it. I had read in my workbook that it is dangerous to start on step 4 without a sponsor or an accountablity partner… gave it a bit of thought but too much until Sunday…. I walked into church & on the screens was the topic for the days sermon…. the word confession bitch-slapped me right in the face!!!! It was one of those AHA! moments. The message was great that day… it was something kinda like this…. as long as we are keeping secrets we continue to live in the dark… God wants us to be in the light… we are forgiven for our sins if we confess them… not just to God but to another brother/sister in Christ…. the truth will set you free. Understand my explanation is a butcher of the message & by no means as moving as the way our pastor explained it.
I started to hear loud & clear what it was that God wanted me know that day…. and I acted on it….I called one of the ladies in my group that night…. asked her to be my accountability partner…. she said yes, that she had hoped that I would ask her…. I confessed to her that I had used & used the whole week…. it was the weight of the world off my shoulders… then in group I shared with all.
I'm far from the finish line…. still VERY HIGH RISK…. but now I feel a confidence i haven't felt in such a long time…. probably the first time I have felt on solid ground… I know I still have a long road to travel… but it is a welcome journey I am excited to take. Will I trip & fall? It is a question I can not answer…