We just found out 3 mths. ago that my 27 year old nephew had been HIV positive for over 8 years untreated. We found out when he became extremely ill 3 mths ago and he had thendeveloped advanced full blown aids. He died two weeks ago and I have never felt so many emotions and deep sadness and depression. I have always excepted him for who he was not who he slept with. I loved him because he was him unconditionally and we spent alot of time together. My sister had him her first born son when she was 16 and I was 10 and we raised him together. Weuse to go to karoake together and he and his boyfriend stayed with me for a year once.I supported him on whatever he wanted to do in life.He could sing OMG and he was so talented and did plays and theater. I just feel angry that he hid for so long. I'm left not only with this grief but this intense emotion of just ANGER. I LOVED HIM SO MUCH. I sat next to him for the last 3 months in the hospital and watch him wither away. I can't get the images out my head. We cried together and I asked him Why in the hospital. He just never answered me and I told him that he couldtell me anything. He never could answer me. I use to ask him now and then if he was tested and he would say yeah I'm fine. His boyfriend didn't know hes infected until he got sick. I can't sleep. I cry all the time. At work I feel barely functional.  I stayed in the bed on christmas eve and christmas.  He was christmas.  We would wrapped the kids gifts and bake cookies and he would always call everyone in the morning with "Merry Christmas".  I just feel lost