my job is 4 minutes from my house. my anxiety seems to leave me with the need to drive for a 1/3 hour before turning around and going to work. i feel it relaxes me…the funny thing is i realized something during my drive. an epiphany perhaps…

i am now only working 10 hours less then i was due to my inability to work 10 hour days. i am also on disability and i report my earnings so that everything is kosher…as you may know when you work and are on dis you still recieve benefits minus half of what you earn at a job…i work 1/4 time so i earn little, and i report it. it's also a first jon as an assistant so the pay is minimal, but it gives me the satisfaction of contributing and living.

i have been having the most anxious and depressed feelings lately over my job and being more anxious, causing me to lose my job, causeing me to become really depresed. i've been ridiculously depreseed and anxious. i 've been heving a mental breakdown…til i did the math….

while driving i did the math in my head (math relaxes me) and came to the conclusion that after my earnings have been accounted for by disability i only really make like 60 bucks a week. suddenly i felt stupid for putting myself thru this stress for months and all for what? 60 bucks? that's not to say i'm quitting cause it's only 60 bucks…i need that money. i'm poor, but it is just illogical for me to go crazy over this.

i am still anxious about going to work today, but i shouldn't be. and in all honesty i won't be stressed today because i have gotten my period and my cramps are so bad i can't walk. medicine does not help…the only thing that does help also helps with my anxiety, but we i shall talk about that later…