So. as far as my anxiety is going, i have begun to seek help. im seeing this therapist now, and coming to ALL SORTS of realizations… but as soon as im out of there, its like a feast for my anxiety. its like, my deepest thoughts, traumatizing experiences, and worrysome issues hide in my head then when i bring them up to someone, its relieving to let it go… but as soon as im alone its like my anxiety find those negative issues and traumatizing experiences and amplifies them by 20000000 making it hard to focus on anything else really, and it literally makes my head hurt ill think so hard and worry so hard.
as far as men in my life, there isnt one. its like every time i find one, they go away just as fast. mostly of course, due to my anxiety and worrysome ways. its very hard being a 19 year old girl wanting to date and fall in love again so badly, hopefully find the one, but its like im losing hope, because i often think "how could anyone without anxiety even possibly want t handle my rediculous thoughts and ways?" it just hurts, ive constantly been looking for someone who KNOWS how i think and such. instead of the usual comment "i understand where your coming from… but i just dont think like that" =/ kinda hurtful and i hear it ALL the time. had numerous breakdown before just because ive been so upset no guy can really be with me cause they will never truely understand me unless they too, have anxiety.
as far as encouraging advice to people on here, all ican say is find your outlet. find a way to get that anxiety off of your mind, even if is only for a moment. like, for me i dont have a diary, i have "scribble pages" .. i have a notebook by my window in my room where if a song lyric that pertains to my mood pops in my head, i write it down. any worrysome question, i write it down. any phrase… just.. anything that pops in your mind WRITE. IT. DOWN. draw picture, go crazy. it should help releive your anxiety if not even for a moment. also, i found a passion through art. its like my own form of therapy and now im making it my life. im currently in school for computer graphic design 🙂