Well my holiday was a disaster..boyfriend was really 'closed' and moody the whole trip, not talking like he usuall does the whole holiday was really 'AWKWARD' i hated it. the way he said goodbye to me at the airport said it all 🙁 "take care.." 🙁
next day i got a text saying 'i think we need a break' i imediately felt like killing myself, i keeled over and burst into tears on my own for a while then walked into my mums room. 'Hi naomi how was your…? :s Holiday?' i told her everything he said and she hugged me tighter than ever. we communicated by texts the rest of the day..he opened up/ manned up and said he can't be in a relationship where we're not honnest with eachother, fair enough, so i was desperate not to let him go..he said he kept seeing scars and scratches on me (self harm, my addiction) i admitted it and he said he's been worrying sick. i had no idea!! :'( We had a talk on tuesday.. i told him everything (pretty much) felt so much better afterwards…i've booked a doctors appointment for wednesday 8th feb! I still can't help thinking that bf's beinbg selfish tho, he says if i self harm again it's over :s i knew he wouldn't understand..well i haven't hurt myself in just over a week, which im pretty damn proud of! and im determined to keep it up..
i ordered a book online called 'free yourself from anxiety' and my friend has sent me the CBT tapes to do.
its been an eventful week to say the least, but i got some positives out of it!: told my mum, told my boyfriend, booked a doctors appointment, not self harmed since, managed my 2 days at college, thanked previous mentors for their support. Its not over yet..ii've arranged to meet one friend after college on monday, and one friend on thursday evening for catch ups..i wanna try to get my social life back on track. might help.
i think im blogged out for now. i feel drained!
feel free to comment..:) in fact i'd love for you to comment! its taken me a long time to get to where i am now..