i was just trying to hook something up on the tv and she comes in and looks at me like im shit and goes "…what are you DOING" like someone in high school who has nothing but distain for you, and she looked at me like that too. like a gross out stare. pausing for a few seconds for effect. to make sure i know she thinks i'm beyond pathetic. and she slightly squints and slightly shakes her head. thats how she talks whenever she adresses me. my dad doesnt do anything about it.

its not enough to sigh and roll her eyes every time she sees me doing anything. and i mean EVERY TIME. because I don't go to school, and she thinks i WANT to live there foever for free. and it disgusts her. if i say anything, she actually will unload all her rage and and say how worthless she REALLY thinks i am, with a smile on her face. an actual twisted joker smile, and she laughs. she doesnt doesnt stop smiling and laughing while shes screaming about her messed up philosophy and how im just lazy, and how i secretly am happy to live there sapping from them, and "YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND (threateningly approaching me) blah blah(goes on for hours) (absolute non sensical psycopath bullshit)"

a year or so ago when no one else was home she kicked me out of the house for no reason, just because she was feeling really happy (no joke) and pushed me outside in the snow (i was in bear feet) and i waited an hour in a car for my dad to come home, and i still didnt get back in the house for another hour. since then my dad told her shes not allowed to talk to me like that anymore. but he doesnt have much of a spine and has zero control over her. so she does not speak to me ever now, and just gives me flat out cruel bullying stares, and if she ever has to speak to me its always mocking, or barely hiding some hateful joy. to her its like some war, i dont even say anything nasty to her because she wil flip the fuck out in a COPS sort of way, and it will ruin the whole week for everyone.

theres nothing i can even do, ive never had a conversation with her where she hasnt screamed how worthless she thinks i am and how shes so ashamed that im there. THERES NOTHING I CAN DO ABOUT IT, I cant fuckkiing STAND being treated like this EVERY FUCKING DAY, and i can NEVER RELAX or SAY ANYTHING about it. i really just want her to fucking DIE. it would be worth the rest of my family being all torn up x10 (she actually likes them)

I dont think ill ever be able to relax or be myself any time any where until her neck explodes and shes a fucking sack of shit corpse! right now i really want to just tell her to stop treating me like this, but i cannot because she will TRANSFORM and be aggressive, and smile, and start unloading on me with all her infinate reasons to be angry (most of which are legitimate reasons i am pathetic and embarrasing) and that argument does not end! I just want her to STOP!
 

oh, why don't I JUST MOVE right??? shut the fuck up