I have always heard that writing is a therapeutic activity that everyone
should participate in. Today I have decided that I am going to
take this advice and start my own blog. I would like for everyone to read
my blogs and get an understanding of what I go through on a daily
basis. By writing these blogs, I hope that I can be an inspiration to
someone who is suffering from OCD. Today I am going to introduce myself so
that people can get an idea of who I am.
My name is Lindsay and I have been suffering from OCD for twenty-six
years. I was only seven years old when my psychiatrist told my mother the
diagnoses. The obsessive thoughts began when my biological father passed away. Twenty-six
years later you would think I couldn’t possibly remember when all the
thoughts started, but I do! My first obsessions were with death. I was so
scared that my family members and myself were going to die. At seven years old
children are not supposed to worry about death, but I was an exception. Along
with worrying about death, I worried about “God” not loving me. What
in the world was a child worrying about “God” not loving them? I told
my mother about all the thoughts I was having in my head and she could not
believe that her baby was worrying about things that she could not change. She
finally took me to see a doctor and he referred me to a psychiatrist. He had
brain scans and all other kinds of scans ran to see if there was
anything underlying that was causing the issues. After running numerous
tests, he concluded that I had OCD.
I saw my psychiatrist every month for six years. During the six years, I had
numerous obsessive thoughts. There was a time when I obsessed about storms. Every
time I heard thunder or saw lightning I would run and hide. I was not afraid of
thunder and lightning in itself, but was more afraid of the storms spawning
tornados. I would actually watch The Weather Channel to make sure there wasn’t
any storms close by. During the six years of going to my psychiatrist I
developed a couple of nervous ticks. Blinking my eyes was the first tick that I
developed. I would constantly blink my eyes even when they were not dry. After
my first tick subsided, I started clearing my throat all the time. While seeing
my psychiatrist he prescribed me Prozac, and It was wonderful. At the age of
thirteen my psychiatrist ended our sessions. He gave me all the tools I needed
to function in society.
For five years things were great. My obsessive thoughts were contained, and I
knew how to handle things. I went through junior high school and high school
with no issues. I began taking classes for nursing and was so proud of myself.
I was eighteen years old when my obsessions started again. I remember the day
like it was yesterday. My boyfriend’s brother saw some bruises on my body and
told me that I could have leukemia. At that very moment, I got up and drove
myself home only to cry myself to sleep. Can you guess what happened after? You
guessed it, I started worrying about being sick. I nearly drove myself crazy
worrying about being sick. For at least a year I constantly worried about
having leukemia or some other form of cancer. I finally went to my medical
doctor and he prescribed me Prozac again. Things started to get better. I once
again seemed to have things under control.
For two years things were good. I changed my major and decided that I wanted to
be a psychologist. Things were going great, I met a guy that I was crazy about.
At the time I thought he was the greatest guy I ever laid eyes on. I seemed to
have got myself together and started enjoying my life. Then the unthinkable
happened! My grandmother whom I loved dearly passed way and my world was turned
upside down. I started worrying about things I had no control of. The terrific
guy that I loved turned out not to be so terrific. Things got so bad that I
quit college and decided to go out into the working world. I broke down and
started having thoughts once again! Ever since the last reoccurrence I have
been having my battles with the OCD.
Today I am married to the Man of my dreams. I could not ask for a better
husband. I am so glad that God decided to give me such a patient man. We have
had our ups and downs, but I would not trade him for ANYTHING!! I have a successful
career that I love in banking. I have three wonderful fur babies that are my
children. I have a great life. You would think, geez! she has it made.
Despite all the good things in my life I can’t seem to control my OCD. I feel
so alone in life. No one understands me! I can tell my mother how I feel, and
she is very sympathetic but does not know what I go through. I have been a
member of OCD tribe for six years and today I decided to get back on and
hopefully connect with people who are like me.
So this is my first blog! Sorry it is so detailed and probably a little boring
to read. I am going to write every day and hopefully help me get my OCD
contained once again.