This is how i believe my anxiety started. And i just want to state that i am so deeply in love with my boyfriend, i love him with all my heart and that is why i am still with him. so my relationship with AJ was great for the first 4 months. my one friend at the time named maria, who i am no longer friends with, liked AJ even though she already had a boyfriend. she was always jealous that he chose me over her because he did start to like her for a little but that was because he thought i didn't like him since i was afraid to amit it at first. Anyway, at the end of july, my friend amber texted AJ while he was at work asking him to come over to hang out and drink with her and maria and their friend sonya. amber told AJ not to tell me because she knows i don't drink. he went over and they all ended up getting drunk and AJ ended up kissing maria. no one told me. then about a week later, it was August 7, 2011, 2 days after AJ's birthday, he was hanging out with them again and he texted me telling me he wanted to break up because he was joining the army and he wanted to drink and have fun before he gave his life away to the army. i was so heart broken, words can't even describe how hurt i was. 2 days later he texted me telling me how sorry and stupid he was for breaking up with me and asked me to take him back and i said yes (that was before i found out hecheated). then the next day amber came over to my house to tell me exactly what happened and that's when i found out he cheated, he told me he couldn't remember anything from that night and that's why he didn't tell me. i knew he was drunk and didn't purposely cheat so i decided to forgive him. he apologized a lot and felt really bad about what he did for a while. after that things were great again. January 27, 2012, the day after our 10 month anniversary he texted me telling me he wanted to take a break. he said it wasn't permanent but he needed to "get himself together". i was so hurt because he promised after he cheated that he wouldn't hurt me again. he told me it was nothing i did, which i knew i didn't do anything, but he said he was really stressed with school and work which breaking up with me made no sense because we barely hung out because of his work schedule so i knew i wasn't affecting his work so i was just really hurt and confused. valentines day was coming up and i was so excited for it because it would be my first valentines day where i wasn't single and we had plans but all of that was ruined. on valentines day at school i opened my locker and there was a box of chocolates inside from AJ, i was shocked because i wasn't expecting anything from him. then the next day at school i opened my locker and there was a card inside. it was a valentines day card (a day late) and inside he wrote how sorry he was and that breaking up with me was the stupidest thing he's ever done. he said he just gave stupid reasons for leaving me because he was afraid of losing me when he goes away over the summer for army basic training. i forgave him and took him back. after that things were great again. On March 12, 2012, AJ texted me while we were in school telling me that he cheated on me again and he wanted to break up because he didn't want to end up hurting me again. he went to a party with his cousin 2 nights before and got drunk again and ended up making out with some girl. I was so hurt and i started crying in class. i just couldn't understand how this guy who was the once the sweetest guy i had ever met could do this to me a second time. i have been nothing but an amazing girlfriend to him, i forgave him for things i shouldn't and i always took him back when he asked, i was hurt beyond belief. being cheated on the first time hurt so bad but a second time? it really messed with my mind and i became a different person. i forgot to mention this earlier but when i get hurt emotionally my body doesn't react well. i won't be able to eat, literally. i'll take a few bites of something and then i'll get really full and won't be able to eat anymore. i'm already under weight so when that happens it just makes it worse and i literally can't help, that's just how my mind and body react when i get hurt. and that happened each time AJ hurt me and when Joey hurt me. anyway, AJ told me that on a monday but at school he was still talking to me and walking with me to class and we still ate lunch together which hurt because it felt like we were dating but we weren't.One of my bestfriends named Nate had asked me to go to the movies with him that Friday and i said yes. Nate asked me to be his girlfriend the year before but i wan't looking for a relationship at that time and AJ hates nate because he thinks he wants to get with me but he really doesn't. Well AJ also wanted to hang out with me on Friday so i told him we could when i got home from the movies. he was at my house waiting when me and Nate got back so nate quickly left because he knows AJ doesn't like him and me and AJ went inside. we were laying on my bed watching tv and then all of a sudden AJ looked at me and kissed me. then we were making out and he stopped and said "i want to be with you" i said "i want to be with you too" so he said '"then let's be together". i was so happy that i started crying. he hugged me and he promised me he would never break up with me again, he pinky promised. ever since then i get angry kinda easily because i never yelled at AJ or got revenge or anythingwhen he hurt me and cheated on me, i just forgave him and took him back. so now i have so much built up anger inside that if AJ cancels our plans or says something that kind of upsets me i will get really mad and we'll start arguing but it's not my fault! we have had quite a few arguments because of that but i can't help it that i have so much anger built up inside, if AJ never hurt me as much as he didtheni never would've gotten like that. On May 11, 2012, AJ texted me after school telling me he doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore and that he doesn't want me anymore and that he's not changing his mind or coming back this time and that his decision is final. Hurt and depressed doesn't even begin to explain how i was feeling. he broke up with me 2 days before prom! my dress was really expensive because of how much the alterations cost and he broke up with me. i was so excited for prom and i was so excited to have a boyfriend for it but that all changed. we still went together but he ruined prom for me. when we got there he was holding my hand and we ate and danced together, we were even grinding kinda and he was putting his hand in my dress. i wasn't really gridning like other girls were because i was depressed and hurting and it just wasn't comfortable since he wasn't my boyfriend anymore. i even cried when we were dancing so he took me in the hall and hugged me so i could calm down. i really thought he was gonna get back with me that night because of the dancing and putting his hand in my dress and holding my hand where ever we went but nope, he said he was only doing that to be a good prom date. i was hurt beyond belief and my eating problem was even worse during that break up because i knew it was really over. on May 21, 2012 my school had a class trip to Six Flags and me and AJ planned to go together before he broke up with me so we still went together. 2 days before that he texted me telling me he wanted it to be just me and him together that day so we could reconnect. when we were on one of the rides waiting for it to start he held me hand so i looked at him and he said "I love you" i was shocked but i said "I love you too" and then he kissed me. we were officially together again and we've been together since. a lot of my friends don't like him because of what he's done to me and that's understandable but i still love him more than anything. He has already been to army basic training for 3 and a half months and he's home now, he just got back October 28, 2012. And that is how my anxiety developed. I have been hurt so much that it really took a toll on my mind. And i'm one of those people who overthinks everything. I can't move on from the things that happened to me in the past, i constantly think about it and over-analyze everything that happened, i still think about it everyday and it's eating away at me. my anxiety just recently got worse now that AJ is in the army because i'm terrified for the day that he gets deployed and i just worry a lot. i am now on medication for my anxiety and i hope it helps. if you have any questions or ever want to talk, just message me 🙂 but that's my story.