(This is part 1 of 2 of how my anxiety stated but it\'s kind of a long story). And just a "warning", this part isn\'t extremely important, it\'s just background information for Part 2 which actually tells how my anxiety developed. So eighth grade is when i really started to hate myself, i just always felt so ugly and unhappy and there were plenty of times when i cried myself to sleep because i just didn\'t feel good enough for anyone and i just flat out didn\'t like myself and those feelings stayed with me up until eleventh grade. eighth grade was also the year when i was obsessed with getting a boyfriend but i\'m a really shy person so of course i never got one. ninth grade i became really good friends with this boy named Jared who was in my spanish class. we talked all the time on myspace (when it was cool lol). he is so sweet and funny and just a real gentleman. we like the same type of music and have the same favorite band. he is also really tall, has dark hair, and blue eyes. he was everything i wanted in a guy. most of all, he\'s just super nice and caring. i guess you could say i "fell in love" with him. but seriously, he was all i ever thought about and my friends got tired of my always talking about him lol. i really thought he was my soul mate because he was so perfect. sophomore year my feelings for him were just as strong if not stronger but he moved over thanksgiving break that year. you have no idea how upset i was. but he only moved to a different school district so he was only like 15-20 minutes away but it sucked not seeing him at school anymore. i did admit my feelings to him but we both agreed it would be easier to stay friends for now and we are still good friends to this day and we still talk and hang out. he\'s one of my best friends. then junior year came and i decided i was going to give up on finding a boyfriend in high school because i just couldn\'t see it happening to me although in the back of my mind ever since ninth grade i always had a feeling that junior year would be my year but i just brushed that thought aside. that year me and my friend jess decided to share a locker because her classes were closer to my locker than hers. a few weeks after school started this boy named AJ, whose locker was directly across the hall from mine, started coming over to my locker because he was friends with jess so he would say hi to her and talk. then me and AJ started talking and getting to know each other. he would walk with me to first and third period and would walk me to my bus. before i knew it, he became my best friend. on december 20, 2010 jess, who also rode the same bus as me, handed me a letter, it was from AJ and it said he had a crush on me and he gave me his cell number so we could text. i was so shocked. me and AJ also worked at a grocery store together but school is where we officially met and started talking but apparently everyone in our department knew he liked me except me so i guess i wasn\'t very good at reading his signs lol. i knew i definitely really liked him as a friend because he was my best friend, but i wasn\'t sure at the time if i liked him as more than a friend. Then in February i found a letter in my locker and it was from AJ again, he was asking me to the valentine\'s dance. i unfortunately had to work that night so i told him i would like to hang out with him another time. we decided to go bowling the very next day. 3 of my friends also came along because i was so unbelievably nervous lol. after bowling we went to the mall. that night was the night when i finally knew i liked AJ as more than a friend but i stupidly pretended not to like him because i was afraid of getting hurt. a month and a half before that i really liked this other guy that i worked with named Joey, we were also good friends and he texted me one night telling me he liked me too. we went on a date to the movies and i got my first kiss that night. 1 week later we went on a second date and went out to eat then went to his house. we watched tv in his living room and made out a little, it was my first time making out with someone so i was really nervous and probably really bad at it lol. a week or two later he texted me telling me there was another girl that he liked a lot more than me so he chose her over me. i was so hurt and upset, i felt so used and that i why i was afraid to admit that i liked AJ, i didn\'t want to get hurt again. me and AJ and 3 of my other friends ended up hanging out all the time and we took midnight road trips to weird places and we had sleepovers and just always had a lot of fun. Then on October 26, 2011 me and AJ both had to work that night. my shift ended before his did so when it was soon time for me to leave he came up to my cash register and told me he had something to tell me before i left. so i waited and he wrote on a piece of receipt paper " you should be my girlfriend :)" and i said "okay". i was so happy, and i was really glad i didn\'t have to hide my feelings from him anymore. AJ was different than any guy i ever met. he was so sweet and kind and extremely funny, he treated me so great and he\'s the only guy i have ever been 100% comfortable around, i am always myself when i\'m around him and i\'m not afraid to do or say anything weird when i\'m with him and that\'s the best part about him, he excepts me for me. i have never felt that way around any other guy, i\'m always shy around other guys. (end of part 1).


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