I don't think I believe in love anymore. Everything hurts. I feel like I could explode and die and I would be okay with it. I am just done. I am not a strong woman. I am just not. And I don't want to be. I want to be with my boyfriend. I don't even know what I want. "Break up" such ugly words. Break. I cant break anymore. I seriously cant. I will never be able to pick up all the pieces. I obsess. i can never let go of anything. and it is going to be the death of me. i am falling apart. i thought about cutting tonight. i didnt do it. but i just dont know what to do. and i dont have anyone. i am not cutting because i dont want to scare my boyfriend away even more. i dont even have my mom because she is all with kels right now cuz kels is having her baby tomorrow. am i that selfish? would you even believe i am 21 years old? i still need my mom. everything is just falling down on me. this is why i wouldnt date henry at first. because i knew we would get close. i knew it would get serious. and i didnt know if i was ready for it. i didnt know if i could handle the heartbreak. i cant be sick anymore. i cant do it. my body is giving up. my head is giving up. and so is my heart. i am never going to get better and positive thinking just doesnt help. and why the hell would i want to get better if i am losing everything that means anything to me while i am sick?
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