Things have been off to a rough start this morning. I feel tired and down, like I did too much over the weekend. I think maybe it's because I took and OTC sleeping pill last night and I'm groggy from it. I also only took half of my dosage of Ritalin yesterday afternoon because I took it so late. I didn't think it would make that much difference. Guess I was wrong.

I've already run to the store today to pick up some meds and cigarettes. I don't intend on going anywhere else. I really think I'm going to lay down and take a nap because I'm still pretty tired out. Today is laundry day and that will keep me pretty busy.

My Mom took the day off of work today and is home with me, which was a surprise but a good one. She said that she was too tired to work today so she told them she wouldn't be in. Good for her! She never gets enough sleep or time to relax.

I just finished reading "Safe Haven" by Nicholas Sparks and it was really good. I finished it in 3 days. I couldn't stop reading it. I think maybe tomorrow I'll go to the library and trade it for another one of his books. I love the way he writes. It actually made me cry, but in a good way. The ending was amazingly surprising and very touching.

I've got another book to read but my Mom read it first and said I shouldn't read it until I'm pretty stable because it's sad. So I'm staying away from it for awhile longer. I don't need to hurt about something fictional that I can avoid. You know how some movies get stuck in your head after you've seen them, certain scenes? That's the way I am with books and movies. I can't let them go.

Tomorrow I get my schedule for work for the next week. I'm nervous that they'll schedule me for too much time. I'm not sure I can handle anything more than a 5-6 hour shift at this point. If they do I'll talk to them about not doing it the week after. I don't think I have to worry too much because it's summer and it's fairly slow so the hours are down. I just hope I'm right.

I feel like I should call somebody to talk to, but I don't want to bring anyone else down with me. Everybody has tough days and when you're fighting depression anyhow you don't need to deal with someone else's.

Even though I have a lot of friends here and few close ones sometimes I end up feeling alone still. Does that happen to anyone else? I wish I could make the feeling go away completely, but it's the whole being alone in a crowded room thing I guess. I don't know how to get rid of it. If anyone has any thoughts or tips it would be greatly appreciated! Thanks for reading this ~ it means a lot to me. I hope you all are well.

2 Comments
  1. ancientgeekcrone 8 years ago

    Dear Keya,

    Being alone in a crowd, seems to me, to be a function of feeling down. Maybe you and Mom need to play hookey from responsibility today.

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  2. mentalhell 8 years ago

    Aww I'm sorry to hear you are feeling down:( im exactly the same with books and movies…. it can be anything and I will still think about it weeks after.Yep i get that a lot, you can have loads of people to talk to but you atill feel very alone.. its one of the worst things about depression. Unfortunately I don't have much advice on this because I struggle a lot with it too! Just try and think of all the good people in your life and think of something good! Other than that I'm lost:( if you get any good advice please let me know! ahah!

    hope you feel better soon… hugs

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