I''m frustrated.  I have been trying to find a job for two months for a regular speck like me to work anywhere. I''m not a CEO or any other important figure as far as careers go.  I''m a fucking theatre major for christ''s sake.  I only need a bread and butter job to get me through the crap I have to pay for every month.  This is so ridiculous.  I don''t understand why no one will hire me.  Okay, I know that from reading this I am a pathetic human being who doesn''t like rejection.  I know that I am very highstrung and have an intense personality.  I''m not vicious though.  I get my work done and never complain unliess I truly know that it is harassment.  I get along with everyone despite my candor.  I usually am called laid back but that is only because I''m afraid of what they would do to me if they saw that I can get stressd out so easilly.  All this is a learning experience, but I can''t live on nothing.  I''m just frustrated.  I don''t know what to do.  I''m persistent, I''m nice, I dress nice so I don''t look homeless.  I don''t know why they won''t hire me.  I just wanted to vent.  I do know what to do, but it has been ading to the disappointment I feel in myself, not that the bastards won''t hire me.  I can''t just think, "Tomarrow''s another day"  that only works on people who have strength that I do not.  I don''t say that for attention, I know that in my head I cannot get over the cruelty and the injustice of others done to me.  I have so much anger and depression that it scares me when I don''t take the meds.  I feel like a failure and I can''t stop the spiraling down.  I''ve tried to find ways of bringin myself up, but my family doesn''t see the joy that I have mustered up, All they see is another pathetic attempt to raise my hopes and in an instant, they are crushed and I have nothing left but the thoughts that constantly plague and stab me over and over.  I want release, but I can''t bring myself to do it.  I have no hope and no desire to keep this up.

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