hey guys, im a newbe, to this all well not new i frist found out i was hiv+ june of 07 . i frist wana thank you guys for being real , reading your post helped me a lot the reason i sayed i was a newbe was because i just woke up now as im typeing this. when i was frist tould i was poz. it didnt hit me i was in disbelife and tould my self thay read the woung test and i went about my day like nothing. thay sent my name to the state and gave me med ensourance. i didnt think of or do any thing for 6mo affter i joined this site and that was hard i just wanted to see but i still tould my self it wasnt me . and ill go to the DR;S and get retested so i did and again i was tould i was poz but i didnt need meds or anything i was still helthy and come back in 6 mo . i left telling my self thay where worng as well and im not poz i allso tould my self this new DR only sayed i was because the frist one set me up with the enecorance and he could milk it . i went back 6 mo later and still nothing still no meds and i was helthy and sent me home i went back to get my teeth cleaned and i never went back since thats like 2 years now i never came on here since then ether i just for got about it it never enterd my mind . i just came on here now today affter all this time beacuse i got a massage in my main E-MAIL that some one sent me a massage to say hi. i dont know what to do i havent tould any one friends or family the only one i tould or talked to was my dog hes the only one. as of today im still fine well as of i know i havent had any thing go woung yet my eyes aer still 20/20 never goten sick not even a could or flu no night swetts my BM's are fine and norm. so i dont know what to think here i am 4 years in and nothing has happened to me yet and iv had no dr's suport i just lived the same way i allways did same diet wich is sh*ty fast food some times helthy when im in the mood i still smoke i was scard to change it and go all helth like if i changed i would ster up some thing. i dont know what to do i need help but im scard to go back to the DR's i dont want them to put me on meds i feal fine my ? is can i keep going on this way and wait till some thing pops up ,this is so hard for me typing this cuz part of me still dosnt belive but deep down i know and typing this is my telling my self i am , how do i go from here one thing i do know is im going to keep coming on here and come to terms with it ,allso got a nother ? i no longer have encurance when i stoped going 2 years a go thay took it away and i was layed off a few mo back so on unemployment and have nothing thu my old job now where do i start and get it back thanks to you all for your help ( PS. even tho i just went on liveing and didnt think abot it the 1 thing i did change was being with any one sexuly . i became real good friends with my hand i was to scard herting any one )