Hey Tribers, I have only been a member for a shade less than two years. I stumbled across a link to it while doing some personal research on hiv meds, their effects and side-effects. For long-timers who are still coming here, yo may remember that the first several months on my hiv regimen were pretty rough. I found so much support here both informative and personal…

For those of you who are new on here, LadyInTheBack (aka Nancy) was one of the first to offer me a friend request…I was highly suspicious at first. I thought what in the world would a hetrosexual woman who was in addition hiv negative want with me? I asked someone else on the Tribe about her and got a green light…Nancy turned out to be an incredibe fun-loving friend who I was lucky enough to share many long-distance calls with…Unfortunatly I never got to meet her in the flesh beofre she passed away a couple of months ago…Many of us who "knew" her were shocked to find out that she had been fighting her won battle with cancer for some time which is what finally took her from us…Some were a bit hurt that she didn't confide in us but i understood immediatly that this was just Nancy…She felt that we were delaling with enough crap of our own and didn't want to be a downer. In retrospect, she was very much the glue that held a rather large network of people together….which leads me to my main topic point…. 

   In the neraly two years that I've been coming to the Tribe, I've seen people come and go…I've seen people who logged in every single day and on the other end of the spectrum i've seen people who joined, longged in twice and never came back.  Perhaps they got what they needed as far as informantion,perhaps this forum just wasn't "their cup of tea".Some found the love of their lives and got involved elsewhere…Sone simply vanished.. But it occorured to me that there might be another reason that some folks haven't been coming back lately….and also why a lot of the Long timers have been staying away.

Whether by coincidence or not, since "den mother" LadyINTheBack has been gone, I['ve seen a disturbing trend in the Tribe. In the two years of my involvement here, I've seen squabbles and grudges played out (embarrasingly) in the shout box and through the blogs. Most of these differences were either worked out or the people left, taking their baggage with them.

 I'm a firm believer in speaking ones peace, ranting and such. If you're familiar with me then you'll know that I post a continued blog/rant called "What Fresh New Hell?" …Sometimes I am genuinely ticked off about something as silly as selfish drivers who don't use a directional signal…Other times it's a twisted humor piece about the invisible flashing sign on my ballcap that seems to alert any panhandler, crazy whackjob or crackhead in the vicinity to my presence. One thing I try to avoid is a full frontal attack on an individual. I am seasoned enough both as a person (I'm nearly 56 years old) and as a writer that I can fairly easily disassemble someone verbaly, put 'em back together and leave them bleeding out from the death of a million paper cuts…Once upon a time , in a group far far away, I used to do exactly that…When I was  younger, I discovered the power of the written word and used it to wreck mayhem and chaos in a gay group…In my defense, if there is one, I was younger and hand't fully learned how words can truly hurt. Once I realized that a lot of my knee-jerk responses and critical words were actually learned at my mothers knee so to speak, it began to shed a light on the way I spoke to people… I learned to choose my words more carefully online…and in person.

I found that "in here" on the Tribe are some folks that are in a pretty frekin fragile state…I was so brittle when I came on here that I nearly let one or two people chase me off…One blasted me on my homepage for "ignoring her friend request" and that I had "lost out."….It seems that occasionally my instincts are indeed spot-on <g> . A gay man who seemed to love to spread hurting words to men and women alike is now banned from the Tribe. Gee I wonder how that happened? *blink* *blink*

The latest trend I've seen here in the last couple of months in particular has been gander bashing…and it goes both ways. Women and the "men who done 'em wrong"….men who can't seem to find a CLUE why the world isn't the oyster that their mama promised them that is would be and why women aren't falling over themselfves and their cheesy behavior….It goes both ways…

HERE gentle reader is the point that I have so carefully built up to…Have you left a trail of bread crumbs?  ….kept up? Still following? Be patient and hang on because the money shot is coming..  Many good , kind and supporting members are staying away because they are tired of the Tribe being used for a (quote) " Bitch session."  People that were pillars of support and so much inspiration for us like Piks, CzoJeff, RyeGuy,Tecknique and Immunity to name only a few, are simply STAYING AWAY because of , to be blunt , the  overflow of negative crap that seems to have taken over the helm!

Whereas I will defend a persons right to blog what they want as long as it remains within the bounds of civility, what really steams my bagel are the people who post nasty hateful blogs…and then HIDE behind the "only friends can respond" selection! Cummon! If you are MAN or WOMAN enough to post it right out in the open, be ready to take you medicine!  I know that I've gotten my feelings a bit hurt before but hey, I post all of my blogs for any Tribe member to access, so they are open to scrutiny and of course, criticism…For instance, when I posed a blog about trying to find the daughter I had never gotten to meet through no decision of my own , I recieved several private responses about  "irresponsible fathers" and about how I "needed to Man UP". I took these barbs in stride after (one:) noting the couple of hair-brained sources that they came from, and (two:) realizing again, that I *had*after all put it out there in the open!  Such is the nature of the Blog Beast….

The Bottom Line:  I MISS MY OLD FRIENDS ON HERE!  I tire of seeing GOOD people chased and driven away by a few (pardon) whiney wank@rs who can't seem to find a better thing to do than DRAG eveybody down to their level of dispair!  To these people, and you know who you are, I propose the following:

On behalf of the GOOD people of The Hivaidstribe who helped make this place the WELCOMING, SUPPORTIVE  place I found two years ago, let me point out the EXIT sign to you bashers and haters. We offer you a warm personal invitation to either get yourself together… or LEAVE. On your way out of the terminal, you may notice a flashing neon sign at the top of the page that says "FIND A THERAPIST" …Oh yes, as an added Tribe Perk, your baggage will be waiting for you at your new destination!  Have a nice flight .

Rant Over, Loki Out


  1. nonnerdeen 12 years ago

    Great blog Loki!!!  I too have noticed quite a lot of bashing and negativity.  I only log on these days to check messages and occassionally read a blog IF I can find anything interesting.  Lately there is so much anger and hate in the blogs I just log off.  I don't even try to think up a response to their nonsense.

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  2. TravelingMan1966 12 years ago

    well said..

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  3. trey123 12 years ago

    Right on target and you do have a way with words.  The tribe was my life saver when I was first diagnosed and saved my life.  And Nancy, she made me feel like a million dollars.  I only got to meet her once, but I will always remember her screaming my name and I think every one in the resturant herad her.  That is a night I will always remember, the HELLRIASERS is a great group.  Thanks

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