I honestly do not expect any of you to read this, because I don't really have any expectations. I suppose it is more or less just a means for me to express myself as I said before… I hate repeating myself but okay..
I'm worried that perhaps this support system will backfire on me and cause me to become worse, you know? Maybe it's not good because it makes me think about it more, but I am going to give it a shot. It's worth a try.
I have recently discovered another fear that has been silent up until a few weeks ago…
I began dating this (actually) really great guy. He has dealt with issues such as mine with his family and I am really nervous about making his life difficult. I don't want to be a burden on his life. I don't want to be a negative factor, though he swears that he loves the good and the bad. I am also nervous because when I am with him, I am 100% anxiety free- I think this is due to the amount of comfort that I feel from our connection. Regardless, it feels good.
I'm smiling now from a message of his. I think it's great because we are both writers, so it works out.
Tomorrow, I am moving off of the island to a city in Nova Scotia for university, and I am quite excited about that. It's great, too, because my best friend and boyfriend both live there (they didn't influence the move though- it's been planned for awhile).
You know what? To hell with being depressed… To hell with being anxious/nervous/uneasy, and to hell with dwelling. I am making the decision to be happy right now, even if it is just for a few hours/days. I am going to embrace the peace that I currently feel within myself and calmly watch a movie.
Keep your chins up.
Actually, that sounds weird as if assuming that you have more than one chin.
Keep your heads up.
Okay that sounds weird too.
Keep your head up.
(I think too much…………)