Today has been an average day with a twist. It’s been overall rough. Didn’t go to class, which made me more anxious, but went to school, which is good, because I didn’t stay at home reading fanfition or watching youtube videos all day. Had a migraine for half of the day, but receded.
Going places and completing even small activities gets depression significantly better, although anxiety remains ever present. It’s bearable sometimes. Today it neared that border, but it’s toning down; this is a good thing because I can think straight (wouldn’t be possible if headache had stayed, though), but it’s mostly bad because I don’t know why it’s happening. That actually has frustrated me for a long time, now I realize. Thinking I can’t overpower anxiety, that I don’t even understand it, That I don’t know where it comes from or why it goes away. That getting rid of it seems like something so unattainable, it gets me further into that black pit I fight everyday.
But today I also realize, that it doesn’t matter.
It doesn’t matter why I have it, why it feels like it suddenly leaves soemtimes, or how it works. I just know it really hurts me, it’s trying to opress me, and that I won’t give in to it.
Everyone has problems, everyone has this thing they have to struggle with everyday. This is my struggle.
And I know it’s going to be a bitch sometimes, It can feel unbearable; but I’ll also know, it can feel peaceful somehow, it can pass, and I can fight for those days, those moments, those times that will make it all worth it.
Even if it lasts a life time, it will only win if I stop trying.
That being said: Fuck you anxiety. Today starts the path I forge myself and that I call happiness. Life.