A friend of mine's son said these words to her in a healing moment….”never accuse thyself of horseshit”
OMG I SO love this child!!
My friend is coming up ona birthday..I write to her.
I get squirrelly on the edge of a growth spurt…it's like I KNOW but I DON'T KNOW..and there doesn't seem to be anything I can do to “get it”. That is why I have GUS. (Great Universal Spirit)
GUS is there…he peoples my life.
Lately I have been hanging out with people who know how to nurture themselves…before recovery I may have seen them as narcisistic but that was only because I didn't get it yet. I am learning introspection. Not inspection, not criticism…I am learning to PRAY and MEDITATE…to accept a good massage…to have unwanted hairs removed permanently. 😀 I am hanging out with people who nurture themselves and ME.
I am learning to cherish me. Through the steps I saw myself for the first time REALISTICALLY. Through WORKING the steps…6, 7 I asked for help changing the stuff that sucked!! and through making my amends i the 9th, I learned that other people are real too…and that there are people who love me. That I am WORTHY.
I am learning to embrace myself now as someone I love would embrace me.
So today I am letting myself be nurtured…cared for..loved as a friend and as someone worthy of love.
…and I am learning to nurture myself…and it's pretty darn cool.
I haven't had s cigarette in 17 days. I like myself too much today to poison me. That feels really good. I am a non-smoker because if MY values, it is MY RIGHT not to smoke…it is also none of my business what YOU do. I am totally at peace with this. There is no judgement – only a choice I make for MYSELF.
Right now I am going to the beach meeting and taking a chair and a book…I'll go alone and that is totally okay today. GUS will hang with me…my friends may show up….maybe not…maybe I'll make new ones..anyway GUS peoples my life and the right ones will show up and be there for me and I for them …..as I will be there for myself. I CAN DO THAT TODAY and it is NOT selfish. It is strength and freedom.
I know what it is like to be struggling – to be near a birthday and wondering if it is worth it….
I'm here to tell you IT IS. It is VERY WORTH IT!!!!
NEVER accuse thyself of horseshit….INDEED!!!
God peopled your life well, Cherokee. Mine to. He gave me back ME.
You know what someone said the other day, a woman in the ladies group said………”I'm lucky to have ME”.
Well, today I believe that too. I am very lucky to have me.
….To have me back…maybe, but I never had this before…this peace…this joy..not EVER before! Loving me without diminishing YOU is new to me.
Just so you know that going through what you are going through now gave me wat I have today…….my SELF and the genuine ability to love and nurture me and others…..I am one happy recipient of that gift.
Keep coming back. It works if you work it – so WORK it…you're WORTH it!