This is the first time even talking about what I feel. All that I know is I have not been happy in years. I have been married for 5 yrs now, and I do love my husband. However, I believe that I am starting to resent him. When my husband and I got married we agreed that we wanted to have children. 2 years into the marriage my husband changed his mind, and somehow I am the bad guy for still wanting them. The day he told me this, a large part of me died, because somehow my husband always gets his way. Everyday since I wake up wondering what is the point? Being a mom was the one thing that I looked foward to, and the idea still makes me happy. But as I can't afford to leave him, I know that children are no longer in my future. At this point I'm petrified to even bring the topic up, but at the same time I know I will have to, because my mirena is due to come out in 6 mo. I have already made up my mind that I am not putting another one in and I am not going to take birth control. Is this wrong of me?
Aside from the children issue, my husband has laid all of the expenses on me. He gives me a set amount out of his paychecks. He keeps $1000 a month to blow, and somehow he still NEEDS more because he then resorts to his credit card until it is maxed out.. I had everything paid off at one time, but now they are out of control again. I tried to talk to him about his spending, and he did give me his credit card. Now I catch him in little white lies. Just yesterday he told me that he didn't eat lunch. When I was on his bank account I see that he went to McDonalds, when I had sent lunch to work with him. I just don't get what I did to be treated like this. I am almost to the point of giving up.