A few months ago I moved away from the safety zone I called home my entire life to go to college. These months have been the hardest, most horrible months of my life. I don't leave my dorm room. I can't meet people. I can't even bring myself to attend any sort of function other than class.
Today I've especially been in a funk. I've never been one to share my clothes. I'll share anything else, but never in my life have I ever been comfortable with loaning other people my clothes. I hate it. My roommate asked to barrow a sweatshirt yesterday. I can't say no to people. I didn't want her to get mad at me, I didn't want it to end up in a fight, I didn't want her to think negatively of me or think I was selfish. So I told her she could. Which sweatshirt did she choose? None other than my absolute favorite, my security blanket. Why she wanted that particular one is beyond me. It's old. It was my brothers when he was about 9 (he's now 21). It's ragged and holey. I feel like she took it just to make me feel like this, even though I know she didn't. She's wearing it again today, like she owns it now. She just recently left to spend the night at her boyfriends house…still wearing my sweatshirt. I wear that sweatshirt almost daily, it really is my security blanket and I don't know what to do without it. I should be studying for midterms right now but all I can think about is that sweatshirt. It's driving me crazy. I know I sound crazy. I mean, I'm sitting here hysterically crying over a sweatshirt. but I just don't know what else to do.