I'm not really sure how to respond or react to the news I got today. My ex best friend (we're not friends because she fcked me over on 1400 dollars which i'm still paying off & she stopped talking to me when it all happend) has been in the hospital for a week now. She went into a coma and one of her lungs collapsed during a tonsilitus (sp?) surgery. Now…Im not quite sure how to respond..I heard this thru a mutual friend (my old roommate) because she never has talked to me since the whole disaster and so in turn i haven't talked to her…which i feel i have more of a right to be angry then she does but wtf ever… I wrote to a friend we had in high school…who im friendly w/ but there were some backstabbing incidences that happend w/ her as well ( o i have such good luck w/ friends) so we don't really consider eachother friends anymore…but i wrote to her to let her know what I found out. I feel bad…I'm not really UPSET about it. I think i'm just sorry for her, in a 'im a human feeling bad that another human being had something unfortunate happen to her' kind of a way. I don't know if i should be feeling worse or not…I feel slightly guilty that I don't have more remorse, that I don't really want to reach out to her. I feel like if i do i'll only get burned again and i think its kind of…superficial to only start to be friends again because of this. I think i'd be friendly enough if she came to me first and started to talk again, or appologized. But I feel that what happend to me .. how she ripped me off, screwed up my credit history and left me hanging w/o talking to me ever after that i'm justified in feeling this way. Maybe that calloused…cold hearted…i dont know. In high school we were inseperable…she was almost more like a sister then a friend and to have her screw me like that was worse feeling then if just a friend had done it. This was someone that i felt protective over and someone that i felt like i could trust..more so then some of my own family members (ie my father). And yet again…i got fcked because i'm too nice, too trusting….So is it wrong to not want to reach out to someone when they are at rock bottom in fear of getting burned yet again? No need to really answer this i guess, im just sending it out there…letting the universe decide. let come what may. if i'm ment to do something, ment to talk to her..ment to rectify things…I think that the universe will provide and push me to do so. Then again…maybe not. Maybe i'll once again screw it up … have an opportunity to do something and let it pass me by. It wouldnt be the first I suppose. 


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