As glad as I am that 2017 is over, I know it doesn’t mean a new year means everything I struggled with in 2017 is not forgotten in the past. I’m still coming out of the deep depression I fell into, I’m still gradually attempting to over come my newfound and magnified trust and abandonment issues. I already struggled with such issues before the incident occurred but I was getting better- had gotten better. I actually had a taste of what it would be like to really live my life rather than just surviving it. Sadly, I felt my survival instincts had to go into overdrive. It’s not that I wanted to hurt myself it’s just that little voice chewing it’s way through making me question my life was if every person I let in was going to burn in my some way. After my incident, my hand was forced to cut people out of my life I never thought I’d had to. What they had done was too unforgivable I couldn’t allow them in my life. They were my family and I questioned and doubted our entire relationship we had built. Something i had to learn and accept was that I had to choose myself. Instead of forgiving and allowing them to hurt me again with false promise while I suffered, I had to choose myself even when it mean shrinking my circle of people to a dot. I got burned really bad this year and what’s sad is that they don’t even realize what they had done. They don’t realize their actions completely wrecked me. I’m angrier than I was before, angry at myself for stepping out of my comfort zone, I’m angry at them for doing what they had. I’m angry I feel like I have to start over as if someone pushed me back to start on a monopoly board. I don’t know what 2018 holds, but I’m just hoping for an easier year, no sudden plot twist. Whatever you dealt with in 2017 I hope this year you find your own way to your own paradise.


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