WELL TODAY IS A GOOD DAY. THE OBBSESSION HAS BEEN LIFTED. HOW EVER UHHHHHH YEAH, HAVING BEEN AROUND THE PROGRAM OF N A FOR JUST OVER 3 YRS THINGS HAVE BEEN HAPPENING TO ME FOR THE GOOD THE BAD AND THE UGLY. 

I AM JUST OVER 4 MONTHS CLEAN AGAIN AND YEAH I AM OVERWHELMED WITH THE THINGS TO DO LIST. DO TO WORKING THE PROGRAM TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITY I HAVE BEEN REWARDED WITH SOME OF THE THINGS I GAVE UP SO FREELY DURING ACTIVE USE. I CAN HONESTLY SAY I AM  A HALF ASS PRODUCTIVE MEMEMBER OF SOCITY AGAIN. 

I HAVE STABLE INCOME, GOT MY DRIVER LICENSE BACK, WORKING ON GETTING MY KIDS BACK INTO MY LIFE,( THE MATIRIAL SHIT). I ASLO GOT SOME INNER PEACE,SELF LOVE,SELF RESPECT,SELF WORTH AND AM CONSIDERED A TRUE FRIEND TO A FEW PPL. AND THE DOORS JUST KEEP OPENING.

THESE ARE SOME OF THE REWARDS OF WORKING THE PROGRAM OF NA TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITIES, THERE HAS BEEN SOME LONG HARD FOUGHT BATTLES TO GET WHERE I AM AT. I HAVE WON A FEW AND LOST A FEW MY CLEAN DATE HAS CHANGED MORE THAN ONCE HOW EVER I STILL KEEP COMMING BACK NO MATTER WHAT.

I FEAR FAILURE AND SUCESS AT THE SAME TIME BUT HAVE THE WILLINGNESSTO ACCEPT WHAT COMES AT ITS FACE VALUE REGAURDLESS OF THE OUTCOME, N A HAS TOUGHT ME IF I DONT STAND FOR SOMETHING I WILL FALL FOR ANYTHING AND I AM TRUELY SICK OF FALLING FOR ANY AND EVERYTHING.

SO JUST FOR TODAY I WILL BE UNAFFRAID, MY THOUGHTS WILL BE ON MY NEW ASSOCIATIONS PPL WHO ARE NOT USING AND WHO HAVE FOUND A NEW WAY TO LIVE SO AS LONG AS I FOLLOW THAT WAY I WILL HAVE NOTHING TO FEAR……………

2 Comments
  1. jjrocksarizona 12 years ago

    Mike, just keep at it. you'll get it. some of us do and some of us forget what direction we are truly going in. i have close to 21 years clean and i have never relapsed or truly even thought about it. reading your blog sounds to me like you are heading in the right direction. just keep the goals in sight. you'll make it.

     

    NA hugs,

     

    JJ

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  2. Snowbird 12 years ago

    Keep the faith brother. Remember to always think about today, don't get ahead of yourself and know that everyday doesn't "have" to be a good day. I know I always got into trouble  when I tried to protray that everything was "all good" even when I didn't always feel hopeful. Even in a recovery program that false front lead me back to using. Give yourself some slack, have faith but room for the bad days. Focus only on today and what you can do about it, and try not to keep yourself up at night thinking about tomorrow. It will come soon enough and then you'll be on to the next opstical. Courage and strength comes from not always trying to do it all yourself. We're here for you

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