So today allowed me to realize just how much control depression has over my life. I tried to be as positive as I could. I was fearful of the big meal. My eating disorder has had me dreading this meal. I was fearful, but still went out and spent time with family and ate. I ate small portions, but there was plenty of guilt. I had several breakdowns where I sat in the bathroom screaming and crying, covering my mouth so no one heard the scream. I wiped my tears, put a smile on my face, and walked out the bathroom. The guys were watching the game. I'm not really in to sports. My aunts and cousins were in the other room. I could hear their laughter all the way in the room where I was with my uncle, dad, and cousins. I was asked to join the ladies, but I declined that offer. I loved hearing the laughter, but had no desire to be in that room. I instantly wanted to be alone. I wanted to go home. The tears began to well up again. I held everything in the best I could. Once I made it to the car, the tears flowed like a waterfall for my entire drive home. I'm currently lying on the couch reflecting on the day. Yes, there were victories. I ate, I left the house, I didn't hurt myself. But the battle was nonstop in my brain causing me to not truly enjoy my time with family. This is another holiday gathering where depression won. Another gathering where everyone leaves with smiles, but I left with tears. Depression and this eating disorder have a fabulous way of making me feel like a complete failure. No matter how hard I try, I lose.
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Gone
LexieLove, , Depression, Anger, Child, Depression, Domestic Abuse, Questions, Religion, Suicide, 4
I have come to this place, as I walk an uncharted path. It seemed so selfish to unload this...
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Another day at my son’s school…
Mz_Unda_Std, , Depression, ADHD, 0
Well we had a meeting with all the admin. team the school has, Phyc, teacher, principal,RSP teacher and another...
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Weekends…blah
sadviolinist, , Depression, Addiction, Parenting, Weight Loss, 1
Sorry that I'm not sending out graphics today friends, I'm just tired and have a lot to get done....
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Annnnd I mess up again!
Ghostgirl, , Depression, Anger, Personality Disorder, Relationships, Stress, 0
So things are kinda messed up right now. After the new guy (NG) disappeared, I did some digging and...
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I don't know how to feel…
mireilleluv, , Depression, Career, Divorce, Self Esteem, 0
Yesterday I got a call from my soon-to-be-ex, asking me what is left of our divorce proceedings now that...
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Moody
adyks45, , Depression, Adoption, Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Obesity, OCD, Sleep Disorders, 0
I am taking this from an online diary but here is an example of what a typical day of...
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Families amd depression
KatieMarchi, , Depression, Depression, Relationships, 1
Today I couldn’t get out of bed in the morning. My daughter was crying for me and I still...
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i’m not to nice
avery@14, , Anxiety, Depression, Anxiety, Depression, OCD, PTSD, 0
people think that i'm to nice so they like to use me walk all over me cuz they think...
Its tough for sure….I sometimes find it hard to be around family occasions…I always try to stick to it tho. It will gett better dont lose hope