So today allowed me to realize just how much control depression has over my life. I tried to be as positive as I could. I was fearful of the big meal. My eating disorder has had me dreading this meal. I was fearful, but still went out and spent time with family and ate. I ate small portions, but there was plenty of guilt. I had several breakdowns where I sat in the bathroom screaming and crying, covering my mouth so no one heard the scream. I wiped my tears, put a smile on my face, and walked out the bathroom. The guys were watching the game. I'm not really in to sports. My aunts and cousins were in the other room. I could hear their laughter all the way in the room where I was with my uncle, dad, and cousins. I was asked to join the ladies, but I declined that offer. I loved hearing the laughter, but had no desire to be in that room. I instantly wanted to be alone. I wanted to go home. The tears began to well up again. I held everything in the best I could. Once I made it to the car, the tears flowed like a waterfall for my entire drive home. I'm currently lying on the couch reflecting on the day. Yes, there were victories. I ate, I left the house, I didn't hurt myself. But the battle was nonstop in my brain causing me to not truly enjoy my time with family. This is another holiday gathering where depression won. Another gathering where everyone leaves with smiles, but I left with tears. Depression and this eating disorder have a fabulous way of making me feel like a complete failure. No matter how hard I try, I lose.
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The Rabid Ferret: Part II
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Mood: Crabby and Ranty The Rabid Ferret is in town. She's not here yet, but she keeps texting me...
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Better than terrible, worse than good
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Not a great day. Everything/one is on my nerves. I feel like breaking someone's teeth. I feel bloodthirsty. I...
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Never fitting in
jenny10, , Depression, Addiction, Anger, Child, Depression, Domestic Abuse, Relationships, Therapy, 0
All my life I felt like I never fit in. I never fit in with anyone, it seemed. I...
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My First Blog
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So, I don't usually do this. Blog, that is. I was told that I really need to try and...
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Welp
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Welp, this sucks, The one thing i was looking forward too ain’t happening…Me and my gf made plans too...
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my story
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i’m 15. when i was born my mom almost died and she was alone with my grandma in the...
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More crap
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this is perhaps the favoritest piece ive ever done… it's still shit but maybe you'll enjoy stillness...
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He didnt notice -.-
pitchblackglow, , Depression, Medication, 0
so. when they took my height and weight im pretty sure the nurse noticed, but she didnt say anything....
Its tough for sure….I sometimes find it hard to be around family occasions…I always try to stick to it tho. It will gett better dont lose hope