OH MY GOSH. Why do I even try? I can’t believe it. I am so stupid for trying. I already know I’ll only fail. But I still try and go through this over and over and over again. I should just lock myself up and never leave the house. That would make the most sense.

So I guess I should back up and explain. Tonight was one of the worst nights of my life. I held an Ugly Clothes Party. Something alot of people told me they were looking forward to coming to and would be there. I spent at least a hundred dollars in food and prizes (including a Starbucks gift card, a Chick-fil-a gift card, candy, gag gifts, etc.), not to mention buying furniture last weekend so there’d be more room for guests to sit. I invited almost a hundred people. 5 people came. 2 left half an hour after they got there. The other 3 hung out the rest of the night. At least those 5 came. But it’s just so…painful. Just four months ago, I had 40 people at my birthday party. 40 people. I don’t understand how all of a sudden I’m just out of the cool club and rejected. And I don’t understand why this keeps happening. Everyone tells me “well, you just gotta get out there to make friends.” Umm, I’m doing all I possibly CAN. Most people in my position would’ve given up long ago.

So my friends Amber and Mallory and I went to the mall and showcased our ugly clothes. I am pretty proud about that. It took a lot of guts to walk through the mall in that dress!!! I’ll have to post a picture soon. 😛 Then afterwards, we went over to Tim’s house (he was one of the 5 who came to my party but didn’t want to be seen with us in the mall) and played Phase 10, and then I went home and cleaned up all the way extra food. I have no idea what I’m going to do with it. Just throw it away? How depressing. Maybe I could take it to a homeless shelter, but it’s junk food.

But I give up, I really give up. I had a party last weekend and only 6 out of the 14 people I invited came, and the party the weekend before that, only 2 out of the 50 or 60 people I invited came, and everyone who even cared to let me know they weren’t coming just had lame excuse after lame excuse. Most people never even give me the decency of letting me know. Tonight I didn’t think anyone was going to show at all so I didn’t even start getting ready for it until 5 when Amber called me, and the party was at 7. Oh well, whatever, I don’t care anymore, it’s not worth the effort. People are too mean and I’m tired of being kicked out of the cool club.