There’s no shame in seeking help when you need it. Yesterday I started therapy for the 3rd time. It seems like every once in a while I need a kick in the pants to get me back on the right track. I honestly didn’t think I would like him but I did. He was funny and made me feel at ease. It very well could have been the fact that since his office is closed and our session was over the phone. I am a naturally awkward person so if I don’t have to stare into someones face as I tell them my problems, even better. Our session went smoothly and at the end he gave me something to work on. He gave the caveat that I would most likely fail and that was ok. He asked me what it feels like when I was in the midst of an attack and what do I do to cope. My legs have a mind of their own. They jerk and jump. My breathing is shallow and fast. My minds races with different thoughts and ideas and I am sure I will die. I try to distract myself but I just want to hunker down in a ball to protect myself. I try to write or listen to music or work. Anything that will make me feel different from what I am feeling. He listened carefully and told me that he wants me to stop fighting. Stop trying to distract myself and just go through the process. Easy right? Hell no. I hate it. I hate how I feel and would do anything to stop it but I am going to try. I have had great success with exposure therapy when it came to my OCD so why hadn’t I thought of it for panic/anxiety? I guess in my mind, they were 2 separate issues when they are in fact closely related. When I got off the phone, instead of feeling dread with knowing what I would be working on until our next session, I felt lighter. Happier. That feeling has stayed with me even as I woke this morning. Today I am hopeful.