My mood always seems to be sleepy or tired.. Mabye its bc I type @ Night, but Idk, I just seem to always be these Days.! I went for my Drug test Today, but I was really nervous about it bc it was right after we had those earthquake after shocks. I was sitting against my wall on the computer and I felt my back vibrating or shaking, it felt weird, but I kinda Thought it was just bc We have ppl working on our roof, and I Remember Thinking that's not good, our walls must be unsteady lol. Then everyone started posting on Facebook about the Earthquake. It was pretty scarey!! & then the post's started about the World coming to an end, and this is just another sign. That freaked me out even worse! Why would I want to leave my House and go somewhere, by myself after that? I really didn't! My chest started to get tight and I had chest pains, Thought I was gonna have a Heart Attack! I told my Mum, but She just gets mad about it, and gets mad when I say the things that are bothering me.. I guess after all this time anyone would be a little annoyed or fed up, but some reason it Helps me Feel a little better when I tell someone and especially my Mum, Idk why bc it makes Her the most mad! I know my Mum doesnt need the added stress, but She has been the one who always knew what was going on with me with anxiety and never was easy on me about it & I guess I sorta Looked at that as a good thing/comforting.. I dont know why, but I guess if She didnt ask me, are you okay, then She wasnt giving into my anxiety like I was. I made it thru okay tho = )! & Hopefully that Earthquake thing wont happen again and the end of the World talk will stop!!

So, I have been feeling super guilty about Looking around while Im still w/ D.J., but I havent broke up with Him bc I am so back and forth about it!! One minute, He's not what I want & the next minute I want to try with Him bc I Think there could be something really great with us. Ugh!! Its bothering me sooooo bad!! But this Saturday, We are gonna go to the Carnival by my House, scarey enough even tho its like 3 blocks away, but to top it off, I told Him we should take His Daughter, She is 5 or 6, but in order to do that I have to meet Her Mom! She is a Year younger then me, know her from School, never really talked or anything so I guess I know of Her more then actually know Her.! But thats a huuugeeee thing to meet Her Mom, I never even met Her. Idk why She wants too meet me, I mean I do know why, but She never introduced Her BF.. Idk, we will See what happens I guess. Im nervous just to meet His Daughter, So I guess I have to figure things out b4 Saturday.

Friday I am supposed to go with my Aunt to get the Baby and then go back to Her House for my Gram's Bday Cake, its also my Cousin's Birthday and my Parent's Anniversary, 27th! I can't Believe that have been Married that long!! Time goes by so fast, but thats a great kind of Love, even thru the stress and the fights!! I dont have money to get them a gift and that makes me feel awful! My Brother & Sister are probably gonna get them a giftcard to go out to Dinner and sign my name, told them not to tho. So idk. & I Think my Parents are gonna go away, next Weekend, Idk if they will Drive or take a Plane, having my Parents far away, uh huh pretty terrifying!! Not as bad as it once was, but its up there!

I guess we will see JUST PRAY THAT I HAVE STRENGTH TO BEAT THE ANXIETY AND IT ALL GOES GOOD = )!!!!

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3