Me thoughts and emotions seem so different. I still have all these really negative thoughts and such, but my mood is okay. I wonder if it's from the medicine. Maybe it just keeps me from feeling sad when all the sad thoughts are still there.
Like right now I feel like I have no friends and my mom doesn't even seem to care about me. Unless it's actually my life at stake. I feel like my life isn't worth living, that I don't have enough happiness to make it worth it. I hardly do anything besides sleep, babysit, and sit alone in my room. With Mom and Dad gone so much of the time and having no one but myself to talk to, it's like being REALLY alone. I may as well be on a deserted island somewhere. It feels about like that. So quiet too. Just hearing crickets and dog barking.
I feel like my life is pointless and it's just so stupid to even be living this life. What in the world is the point? Yet I feel like laughing about it. It's just so ridiculous that I'm even alive and keeping up with this stupid life.
Yet my mood is fine. A little bit down maybe. But mostly fine. Like a neutral fine. Definitely not happy feeling.
I don't feel as empathetic as I used to. I find it harder to connect with what other people feel. Like I just don't care about much of anything.
And insane as it seems, I miss being depressed. It was inspiration to write. I hardly write anymore. I just have nothing. It's like being empty inside. Or dead. Or a robot. Seriously my mood and emotions just feel like nothing. I have negative thoughts, but just feel cold and empty.
I guess the medicine works. :l I just miss being me. I'm not the same anymore.