Still here. Just called out of work. Should have gone. Couldn’t. MADE myself get up and take a shower cuz that’s what they told us at the hospital. If you don’t want to get out of bed to do anything, at least get up and get a shower. Most days that’s enough. It gets me up and the hot water wakes me up and makes me feel a little more human. Not today. It managed to wake me up some, but the thought of getting dressed and leaving the house. . . couldn’t do it. The thought of going into work, staying there for ALL those hours, putting up with ALL those people calling me and asking me for things. It’s to much. Couldn’t. Not today.

For mood, I wanted to put empty but it’s not there. That’s how I feel. Or numb. Not there either. How many of you feel numb on a daily basis? I thought before it was the meds that they had me on. So I stopped taking them a few months ago. But I’ve felt that way again on and off. So, guess it wasn’t the meds. IDK.

Anyway, I don’t really know if anyone reads these (unless you leave a comment) and it doesn’t really matter. I am writing these for myself mainly. Feels good just to get it out. To tell SOMEBODY even if it is a faceless community. Even if my constant blogging gets on someone elses nerves because they see my name over and over. And over again. Sorry. This is my therapy. At least until I go back to see a dr that I can trust and talk to. But I don’t really do well face to face. Tend to clam up or put on an act. I’m good at that. People think I’m perfectly fine and that I’m doing good when inside I feel horrible. I should win an acadamy award! So, we’ll c what happens if I start seeing a new dr. Maybe it’ll go better this time.

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