Why is every day such a hard thing? I shouldn't feel like this, I should be out enjoying my weekend ~ but here I sit crying over nothing instead. He wants to go out and do stuff, but I just want to sit here because my motivation and energy are gone. It's times like this that make me wish I was single so I wouldn't hurt the ones I love due to my illness. I don't want to drag them through the muck either. I feel so fragile today, so easily broken. And of course, thoughts of suicide are dancing around my brain unchecked. I've slept most of the day, hiding how bad it is from my husband and son.
I can't do this for the rest of my life…I just can't. It's too much to handle for my family, too much for me. I just want to go to sleep and not wake up.I feel like I'm in hell already.
I guess I'll gogeocaching (it's like treasure hunting) with my family…I'll take my new camera and try to find beautiful things to take pictures of. If I stay herealone I might try something stupid. And then I wouldn't get toenjoythe ice creamthey're going to get after geocaching. What can I say? I love good ice cream. And my husband has promised to take me to my favorite store.Maybe I'll find somethingthere that will make me feel good.
I haveto go getdressed…It's almost 2 o'clock and I'm still in pajamas. I can do this, I can do this…one breathe at a time.
I hope you all are having a better day than I am. I just have to remember that this too shall pass.