Today was the day. Everything was going fine, I woke up with sleep as always, I had a cup of coffee, I watched my favorite show, I listen to some music and sang along. Everything was fine until I looked in the mirror. My face suddenly didnt feel right. I didn't want to see myslef because I didn't like what I was seeing. What I tend to ignore everyday, I couldn't do it today. I saw the dark circles under my eyes, the acne that still hasnt vanish completly, my face looked to round, my lip dry from the past week's weather, and my hair was a mess. I just couldn't go at the last minute, my parents got tired from waiting and they left. No one blames them.

I had my breakdown as the door closed. I started crying as if someone had died. I feel like a joke. I thought I was this strong person, turns out I am the weakest thing out there. Everyone around me is saying "Oh I got accepted to Michigan University","I got accepted to the college that I wanted and they are offereing me a $10,000 scholarship…" And me?

Nothing.

I havent applied for colleges, I haven't been the person that I have wanted to be. When I was younger and my sister didnt go to college, I told myself that I was going to be better than her. I called her stupid and reckless. I told her it was no excuse that she had an eating disorder or was depressed. I told her so many things, that looking back I regret them. I am a failure. Another reason why kept crying like crazy.

I guess the most thing that got to me where the events from this week. Like my sister basically overdosing herself in diet pills. She had been freaking out latetly and on Thursday night she decided to take 10 pills. We took her to the hospital. I was in shock, but I never really cried.

I just feel so lost in my life, like I have hit rock bottom…again. I wish my depression wiould just 0dissapear. For the first time in a long time, I just don't want to live.