I am tired of living like this.

Living with this much hurt and anger is exhausting, life has put me through so much already that I can no longer continue ignoring or hiding what has been on my past. I lost track of how many times I have told myself that my past should not define who I am, what happened in the past will never happen again but every morning I still wake up wanting to die, wishing I never woke up again.

For so long I have hated my parents because they left me, they died on me. I was so mad at them as if it was their choice to die and as if every bad thing that has happened to me after their deaths were their fault. I blamed my dad for not being there to protect me when I was molested by an older cousin and I blamed my mom for leaving me with her family which I can not shake off my back. I have put them at fault for all of my misfortunes.

I am struggling to keep myself from breaking down while peoplearound me blatantly destroys the very few stuff that my parents has left for me. It feels like my mother's family fancies seeing me in pain. They are nothing but a bunch of sadists, sometimes I really wonder how I could be related to these people. Cruel is what they are.

I am trying to rid my chest of grief, anger and hurt but how could I do it while being surrounded by the same people that causes it. I am stuck here, I literally can not escape or get away or leave they have power over me, they have control on everything which is annoying. Their influence knows no bounds so how could I move on when everyone around me is pulling me right back into the past.