I've been feeling pretty good ever since I got a couple job offers the other day. Really, before then I felt a ripple in the Force. I thought not about what I should be crying over or stressing over, or want to die for.. but something dawned on me. People (spiritual people, AA people, mentors and peers who've seen both sides of life – the ugly and the beautiful) have been telling me to stop thinking about all that stuff, and start being grateful. Doesn't matter for what – everyone has something to be grateful for. I think about that movie, ThankYouHappyMorePlease (lol watch it if you haven't, it's just delightful)… When the lady said with gratitude, the world is infinitely abundant, or something like that. So ever since I've been thankful for everything I do have and not fretting over the things I don't, or do that I don't want, it seems like I've been rewarded for it. Small things, then being thankful for those, more things, bigger things come after. Sometimes it takes awhile. Anyway, I feel like one of those people I usually hate to talk to. You know, those optimists. Silly geese. But I have seen both sides of life. I've lost people I loved, am on the verge of losing more, felt death creeping up my spine, experienced the lowest points of life… But (sorry to bring up religion..well..not really, it's what I believe in lol) I believe we either suffer through this life with a good attitude and good intentions despite all the bad, and are rewarded in the next. Or, we have life handed to use on a golden platter from birth, still hold onto humility somehow and care for others, then are rewarded in the next life. Charity is a big deal. It doesn't necessarily always have to be money, but it can be just giving someone a smile who's having a rotten day, or offering an ear or some sort of comfort to someone less fortunate than you… Charity comes in all sizes. Care about other people. I know how I feel when I'm depressed, hell I'm depressed right now and I still feel good. I dunno if I had an epiphany or what, but I'm seeing more clearly. I come to DT now not looking for answers or help or some inkling of guidance to show me that life can possibly be enjoyed somehow. I come now because I know there are people who feel like I do or did when I just want to end, and I want to try and spread some reasonable optimism lol… Not too much, but just enough to be realistic. Ok I've rambled enough. I think I just needed to say it, not really expect someone to read this whole thing. But I hope someone gets something out of it. If I can't make my own day brighter, I hope I can do something on some level to help someone else. Pass it on – Love.