It was my anniversary today all day I anticipated to be with my husband to have some quality time with him but, of course it falls through.  My sitter in laws has a child and, then my son for the first time every does not want to go to his grandmother house for three hours. I know it is stupid but, I am really tired of working so hard and not getting anything in return I believe my life is full of disappointments.  I did not have an grand wedding it would be nice to have to always have a great anniversary I know I can’t talk to my husband he will never understand ugh why am I even writing this I should go to bed fucking no one care I need to bury the pain tired of my husband knowing how hurt I am. I know I am pushing him away all I want to is drink away my pain.  Sometimes I fell like at least I can numb it I I have never had a drinking problem before but, I do not see another way I am tired of talking my felling out it only makes them worst.  No one really gives a shit how I am not doctors not parents either. I guess when you are born and n to even your parent give a shit he world follows.  I am going to lay asleep by my husband and child and, just be still and numb for a day and, get over it I am just trying to became stronger nothing needs ot bother me anymore I know disappointment is a part of my life and, my problem is that I believe it will every change some people are born blessed and, other are not it is just that simple.  I am not going to even try to strive for anything more anymore whatever happened who cares.  I can’t care anymore. ?Ugh I need to sleep I am not even making sense I am fucking tired of this shit.