why do i manage to push every one away
why does everyone i care about or love try and fix me and when the realise they can’t or their ‘helpful’ suggestions are in fact even more damaging because they add to the negative thoughts and paranoia going round and round my head decide im just ungrateful and stop caring and wash their hands of me?
how many more times am i going to hear the words ‘i can’t deal with this anymore i dont care anymore’ and feeling the crushing pain of abandonment ? when all i want is someone to be there and accept me for who i am and not try and change me into who they think i am or should be.
i feel like im going to explode im shaking so much like im goin to lash out i feel so angry. am i angry at myself or the people who have said they care and yet have hurt me more than any one else.
why are people so hipocritical? do one thing and say another my ex said that he would always be there for me after we broke up and that he didn’t want me to hide anything from him but when i showed him how much i was hurting or tried to talk to him he told me i was just trying to get at him and hurt him and he didn’t know what to say to me anymore and that he could’t be who i needed him to be i don’t understand what i did wrong i was hurting and upset am i not allowed to feel anymore.
someone who keeps telling me that hes my best friend (but only when it suits him) told me i was just being self pitying and hiding when i tried to reach out to him when i was scared and contemplating suicide for the first time and then shouted at me when i told him he wasn’t helping 🙁