Every once in a while I get to missing my best friend from middle/high school. We went from hanging out/talking every single day, to not talking for a couple of years, to visiting every few months, to only calling every few months. I miss being close to another woman–and we were sister-close. She was once of the very few people who spoke my language, got my quirks, read between my lines. I was like a loyal pet.
It had always been somewhat of a toxic relationship. I was her shadow. She could be overbearing and abrasive. I was reserved around people I didn’t know very well and she was loud, boisterous, and bossy with everyone–sometimes saying insensitive things without a thought. I know it’s unintentional, but does that really matter? She had a lot of good qualities too. She’d bend over backwards for a friend. She’d saved my ass a few times, figuratively speaking, and I tried to do the same for her.
Our friendship wasn’t the same for a very long time because of some trouble she got into with the law. I was really upset over this for some time, but not so much anymore. People make mistakes. I don’t bring up those mistakes because it’s not my place to condemn her for them–she’s paid her dues, actually *still* paying those dues, considering her background now prevents her from getting a decent job. I feel bad that things turned out that way for her, but I don’t feel bad that they turned out this way for our friendship. I’ve grown so much without her, become a strong woman (albeit, an occasionally troubled one) with an education and station in life that I can be proud of. I have my financial woes, and PLENTY of marriage woes, but I’m an achiever and I will always keep reaching for new endeavors. Not because nothing is ever enough, but because I *ENJOY* chasing new goals. In 2-3 years, I’ll be able to get hired (and paid!) as a librarian. In 2-3 years, she’ll still be working in a pizza restaurant, and that has to be okay because it is what it is and there’s nothing anyone can do about it. I’m proud of her for having honest work, despite knowing what she *could’ve* been. She was the *smart* one. The honor student. I was the high school drop-out. The flake.
I try to reach out to her now and then and although we joke around as if nothing has ever changed, EVERYTHING has changed. We each have a kid, but our parenting is so extremely different. I have a kid with special needs, which requires a lot of patience, calm, and the ability to laugh off the little things (or risk a whole new reason for depression), so when I see her screaming, bullying, threatening, and cussing her 1st grader out because she knocked over the phone (again! kids!) I can’t help feeling relieved that our lives are not so intertwined as they once were.
One last parting piece of wisdom I got from this friend was to “Be glad your kid is verbally challenged!”
Okay… So, I’m supposed to be glad that my child can’t tell me if someone is being cruel to him at school or tell a police officer someone is touching him in a bad way because it also means my child can’t talk back to me. Lucky, lucky me.
I feel so much better not keeping in touch.
