Well I didn't really want to write a blog about it because it makes me more anxious thinking about it, but i figured it was best to get my fears down so i can look at them and hopefully see how silly they are.
I woke up, as usual, feeling anxious and unwell, however this is something that I just have to get used to and goes within an hour of so of relaxing. Then i went to my grandma's for sunday dinner, and also visited my mum, who has severe MS. Normally I am ok seeing her, as I am obviously used to seeing her unable to walk etc. But today when she was sat in her chair watching the tv…i dunno i just felt so bad, like my heart ached for her. I cant really explain it. Sometimes this happens and its awful. I think of all the things she has lost…she used to be a carer and now people have to care for her. I actually feel like crying about it and I really dont know why it has hit me so hard today. Part of this is because I am so scared I will get it too i think. I love my mum…but she isn't the woman who i grew up adoring…the ms has made her, understandably, so bitter, but she is now mentally like a child.
Anyway, I got home and my hypochondria has hit again. I sometimes can't remember if i have said something no matter how hard i try and remember,…so i'l say it again just incase. Obviously this shouldnt be anything to worry about, but my hypochondria has left me with this awful fear that I am losing my memory or having an early sign of MS. Now my anxiety is up and i just want it to go away 🙁