Well I didn't really want to write a blog about it because it makes me more anxious thinking about it, but i figured it was best to get my fears down so i can look at them and hopefully see how silly they are.

I woke up, as usual, feeling anxious and unwell, however this is something that I just have to get used to and goes within an hour of so of relaxing. Then i went to my grandma's for sunday dinner, and also visited my mum, who has severe MS. Normally I am ok seeing her, as I am obviously used to seeing her unable to walk etc. But today when she was sat in her chair watching the tv…i dunno i just felt so bad, like my heart ached for her. I cant really explain it. Sometimes this happens and its awful. I think of all the things she has lost…she used to be a carer and now people have to care for her. I actually feel like crying about it and I really dont know why it has hit me so hard today. Part of this is because I am so scared I will get it too i think. I love my mum…but she isn't the woman who i grew up adoring…the ms has made her, understandably, so bitter, but she is now mentally like a child.

Anyway, I got home and my hypochondria has hit again. I sometimes can't remember if i have said something no matter how hard i try and remember,…so i'l say it again just incase. Obviously this shouldnt be anything to worry about, but my hypochondria has left me with this awful fear that I am losing my memory or having an early sign of MS. Now my anxiety is up and i just want it to go away 🙁

2 Comments
  1. lovemeiris 12 years ago

    (((hugs))) I know how you're feeling about your mom. My Mother doesn't have MS but she was hit by a 4×4 truck and she's no longer the same. I was used to seeing her as the strong woman she was and still she tries her best not to stay still. Her memory is a blur 🙁 that makes me more depressed. It's been hard with my depression, social anxiety and agorophobia but i try to be strong for her because of her i'm still here. I hope you feel better. Always remeber that People who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

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  2. maggie 12 years ago

    I am so sorry about your Mom. I am sure it does break your heart. It is also understandable that you fear getting ill like your Mom. MS is not inherited so you have no more of a chance that anyone else of getting it.

    Your fear is clouding your thinking, I worried about my memory too. The doctor told me that everyone forgets things. If you forget where you put your car keys then your normal but if you forget what your car keys are for then you might want to start worrying!!!

    Hang in there sweetie.

     

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