So, I had a realationship before my anxiety, my first "Love", but in the end I really realized it was an abusive relationship and he never really loved me, I don tthink he even liked me, so how could I have been so in love with someone who didn't like me and was so mean too me? I Knew he was mean to me, but I wanted to believe he would change for me.. Anyway's, after that I had the anxiety, I don't know if any of it related to that relationship, but ever since I haven't had a real relationship.. Alot of it has to do with me not being able to go places, so no guy wants to deal with that.. & When I did meet good guy's I pushed them away, bc I didn't know how to do a real relationship, I guess my wall was to push guy's away.. & then I meet the bad boy's they r the ones I've been really intrested in and most attracted to.. Stupid & Wrong I know, and it sure hasn't helped the siutation…. But now, I'm starting to get better with my anxiety and trying to get out there again. I have been talking to a guy that I use to go to school with, we haven't been able to spend much time together bc of my crazy work schedule, but He is a huggeeee sweetheart, I pushed Him away once and was lucky to start talking too him again, but it's like it's not enough.. I'm still looking at other guy's and still looking for other guy's. I'm not a cheater, I hate cheater's, I have been cheated on many many many times. This guy is a sweetheart, but he isn't super hot, and he is far from a bad boy. He isn't really my type, honestly.. I don't know if it's just my insecurities and past, maybe even a little bit of my anxieties that is keeping me away, I don't know.. & Since I now have no friend's, bc I seem to choose bad friends as well as guy's, I don't really have anyone too talk to about it….. Ugh, it suck's.. I let anxiety control my life for so long, wasted so much time & now i feel like a teenager trying to make up for it…… <3