A: woke up feeling kind of crummy—could be allergies + period, but not sure.
b; worried about spreading illness; worried about going biking and spreading to others
D: it’s most likely that you have allergies + period. wash your hands a little more but don’t be obsessive. you can postpone biking (to be extra cautious and to rest), and hopefully you’ll be great within a couple days (more than likely)
A: mom used sponge to wipe her fork clean and then used her fork after i had squeezed the sponge, not sure if i washed my hands before i squeezed the sponge
b: What if mom now gets whatever i have
D: it’s more likely that your germs won’t be spread through a soapy sponge. it’s also not likely you have anything serious.
A: I went outside on the fire escape to work but diane’s family was beneath me.
B: I have coronavirus and spread it down to them in the air
D: you probably don’t have coronavirus (what you feel, after all is, a little sinus headache. You often get these little things). If you continue to feel shitty or feel even worse tomorrow, you will tell them downstairs. but it doesn’t seem like something that would deserve conveying.
e: Focus on your work; keep drinking fluids and eating healthy snacks.
A: realized nadiyah’s apartment would be empty
B: what if it would be selfish of me not to rent an apartment and pay the majority of rent SO THAT Natasha can be closer to school (though it would mean i would go entirely broke).
D: that’s kind of absurd thinking and she surely wouldn’t want you to think that way.
Feelings: checking in with my body a lot. anxious, sad. blurry. want to read about symptoms. heavy with guilt already.
Visualization: i get through the evening with less fear, worry, understanding that i don’t know what i have, but i can only do what is rational for now, which is take small precautions and keep living my life. I enjoy time with my parents and with Emma. I sleep and then wake up feeling better (emotionally and physically) and proceed to make further progress with my story. I do not hide myself in distractions….i look my fears right in the eye and say NO I do not CHOOSE To be MIRED in UNKNOWNS that i CANNOT control.
Gratitude: for my friends. for my parents. for writing. for books. for yummy foods. for the spring time air.
What ended up happening: I freaked out a lot about dad accidentally using my fork. But ended up feeling physically better pretty quickly.