Over the weekend I was informed of something terrible that happened to my son’s dad. Mind you he has never really been a part of my son’s life and we haven’t seen him in 20 years. Well we were informed that he passed away and that my son is his next of kin. Since he is over 21 he has to carry the burden of being in charge with making decisions on what will happen to his father. The only thing is that I haven’t told him yet. I have been on the phone contacting his family who I still have has contact with on nd off over the years. Ask me if they ‘re helping with any of this? The answer is no. I am so mad that they aren’t helping. They never have which is why my son’s dad ended up in a bad situation and has been strugglin with addiction and mental illness. Well I have been trying to take care of things before I tell.my son because he’s so sensitive about his dad. Well I have been doing all this stuff and it’s taken a toll on me. I don’t feel well. I haven’t slept much and am just mentally drained. While doing all this I have been taking care of other things that I need to take care of like doctor appts. For my son, person I care for and myself. Inhave no one to help me and I’m just upset that no one is helping me. I am taking this on for my son. Because regardless of what the man’s life has been he doesn’t deserve to be thrown in an unmaked grave. His demise was a horrible thing and it just broke my heart.i am trying not to lose my mind but it’s getting hard. I dread having to tell my son. I m trying to wait until after the new year so he won’t have to remember the holiday like this. I am gathering all the strength I have to stay strong for him. Hopefully after my meeting with the fu real home tomorrow I will.feel.more at ease. I look at old picture of the boy he once was and m glad that he gave me my son. It’s been a struggle to be a single mom but I’ve worked my ads off to get us ahead in life. Olease send me good vibes, prayes, whatever your into, etc. I need all the good mojo everyone can send. Keep strong Eve… Keep stong…

 

Red Hot Chili Peppers

“My Friends”

My friends are so depressed
I feel the question of your loneliness
Confide ’cause I’ll be on your side
You know I will, you know I willEx-girlfriend called me up
Alone and desperate on the prison phone
They want to give her 7 years
For being sad

[Chorus:]
I love all of you
Hurt by the cold
So hard and lonely, too
When you don’t know yourself

My friends are so distressed
And standing on the brink of emptiness
No words I know of to express
This emptiness

[Chorus]

Imagine me
Taught by tragedy
Release
Is peace

I heard a little girl
And what she said was something beautiful
“To give your love no matter what.”
Is what she said.

[Chorus]

3 Comments
  1. michi2324 2 years ago

    How does this site work? I am a new member. I posted my personal struggle and it’s just out there now. No response. Should I delete my account. I’m confused

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    • shellee 2 years ago

      Hi Michi2124 – I too just joined and I am confused about how things work here. Maybe we will figure it out with time? I have clinical depression and anxiety which I take meds for; right now I’m on the brink of a nervous breakdown over my 24 yr old daughter, who is ill and screams at me almost daily, telling me what a horrible human I am, how I abused her and neglected her and was a failure raising her (none of this is true), and she has created such a wall between us that I dread being around her. This whole thing is making me physically sick. I have lost 15 pounds that I do not have to lose. I live in constant fear that she will take her life. She gets suicidal, we call the police, they come and take her to the hospital – of course we always go too – I stay all night with her – and then she gets released in less than 24 hours. She refuses to take meds to stabilize her moods. She is of the opinion that if she takes meds, then taking meds will mean that all of her problems are chemical, and none of her claims about abuse are true. So she refuses meds. I have validated her claims a thousand times over. I have no memory of ever abusing or neglecting my child. But I validate her claims and apologize to her over and over again, just to try to make her feel better. But its never good enough. She was loved and adored. I took her everywhere with me and held her, and loved her, and slept with her when she was sad or scared… spent many many long hours listening to her fears… I am befuddled. I don’t get the abuse and neglect she alleges. She will look at me and say “What is that face you are making??” “What is wrong with your voice??” “You are using the wrong words when you talk to me!” I finally told her that my face was my face – I could not change it. Likewise with my voice. And I try to use the “right” words with her, but it seldom is good enough. She didn’t take to my telling her that one bit. She went off again on me. Sorry to rant – I haven’t really told my story yet and was not sure where to start.
      Shellee

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  2. delane1 2 years ago

    Hi, michi2324. Welcome to the tribes. ***hugs***
    On this site, you can post blogs and activities; keep track of your own wellness activities and friends you make here; chat; etc. (i didn’t see your ‘personal struggle,’ but maybe i missed it?) This is a pretty decent place to come for support. Hopefully, you’ll be able to find what you need here.
    i don’t mind messages, and whenever you need to or whatever, feel free to drop one. i’ll get back to ya when i check back in.

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