So I've been having worse road/driving fears. Not just when I'm driving but when my boyfriend drives too. Sometimes its worse then others and this morning definatly didn't help…I have to take the busy freeway to work and it was jammed packed as school is now back in session and most everyone is done with vacationing (i'm guessing). Everyone drives like idiots and so I needed to move over into the dreaded middle lane from the right lane. I had my signal light on and even looked twice as I hate moving to the middle because the person in the far left lane could get the idea to suddenly jump into the lane as well. Today it happend and I narrowly avoided an accident because I had to pull my car hard back into my original lane. I was motioning into the lane before he was but because he kind whipped in and was not really payin any attention he was already pretty much in the lane already. Then the prick had the audacity to gesture with his hand towards me like I was the horrible driver. Needless to say this is not how I wanted to start my monday. Not only that it just intensifies any fears ive been gaining. I keep pushing myself because I really don't have a choice when it comes to driving. There isn't any reliable public transportation in Phoenix and everything is so spread out you can't really walk anywhere, not to mention the insane heat.

On top of it all I start school next tuesday and I'm flipping out. It hit me this weekend because over labor day weekend Bryan's parents are flying us out to see them in Pasadena. Bryan made mention that that would be my first weekend after classes. My mind automatically began racing and now I can't stop. It's real. And up until then it seemed so far away and not something that would happen right away. I've paid alot of money to get this class but I can feel the same fears and worries coming…the same ones that limit me and make me wnat to pull back before getting hurt. I know Bryan will not let me do it but that scares me more. Ive got someone standing there ready to push me over if I don't jump for myself.

Anyways, enough with this…Its only make me more anxious. And I just saw a maintenance guy open an elevator shaft and climb in on my floor. That was a little scary…Now i can't get it out of my head that I saw him climb in there. It's so dark and we're on the 13th floor. Eek.

Have a good week to all…

Jade