So I've been reading some blogs and it makes me think that I'm an idiot for thinking my problems are so bad. There's people that have things way worse. I realize though that the problems I have are just as bad to me as theirs are to them. I had to talk on the phone for like two minutes earlier and a surge of panic went through me at just the prospect. I'm a little more down that usual right now. I was looking up therapists and research on mental problems and found out that the nearest affordable therapist is way too far to travel and it's possible I may have more problems than I thought. Well not exactly more problems, more like name for some of the problems I have had. I haven't worked since early 2007 and I've been trying to get on disability for well over a year. I have a court hearing next month and I'm starting to panic. I get to take my aunt with me but I'm constantly worried that no one believes me. That they'll think I'm faking it to get the money. I don't even really care about the money at this point. I want the insurance. I haven't had insurance for about as long as I've been unemployed. At this hearing my aunt gets to talk for me pretty much the whole time but I guess I'm going to have to answer some questions. That's going to be a problem. My mind has a habit of blanking when someone asks me something. I also don't do well with groups of people. I know it might help my case but it won't help my person any. I think if they do approve me I'm going to go on a trip. I want to go spend some time with my brother in Idaho. My problem is I want to go by myself but I'm not sure how that'll work. I can't even take the in town but by myself so the greyhound is out. Maybe I'll fly. I've been wanting to go on a plane again for a long time and I really doubt there'd be any transfers with that short of a trip. I just hope I'd be alright going through security and everything. I'm not very optimistic about the hearing so there's really no point in planning anything. I'll just get disappointed like usual.

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