Alright so, Like in my last blog entry I was talking how I FINALLY read Griffon's reply to the message I sent him…
I still don't know how to handle it or if he's telling the truth, I can't put my guard down and it's just giving me another panic attack…
Also…I put down my reply to his message in my last entry to, And I just sent it to him…I'm freaking out now because of it though. I feel I can never properly express my thoughts and feelings.
I don't know if i'm worse when writing it down or trying to talk it out. But it's dragging me down, it'd probably be best to talk to him face-to-face but I feel I can't face him. I'm so disgusting i'll just frustrate him more.
The other night as well, I went beyond cutting. I took one of the kitchen matches and lit it, once I blew it out I pressed it against my leg, give myself a small burn, For a moment I felt alive, like when I cut.
Anyway, Nothing else really went on today, Tomorrow is the day I go to Typhoon Lagoon with Kim, Maddie my brother and his friend so i'm freaking out. Trying not to take pills like I did last night,
I hate emotions, just caring to much, worrying to much. It's like having a huge bulls-eye right over you, Does anyone else feel like that?
Also, Just to add detail to the griffon problem, This is what he looks like (just got it off his FB..Honestly this whole situation is making my anxiety at an all time high. again I say…Emotions are such a bother)