I try so hard to keep a good attitude. I fight when that horrible depression feeling starts to creep up on me. I have been doing great but in the last few days it is getting the best of me.
My husband got layed off last week so money is tight. I have bought gifts for my 7 grandkids and my mother in-law but none for my sons or daughter in-laws. It makes me feel terrible. I love to give gifts and usually I do a lot for them but this year I can't. I have told them and of course they all understand but I feel like such a loser.
I want to be with them for Christmas but we simply can not afford the 6 hour trip and the roads are crap anyway. The thought of not seeing them for the holidays is almost too much.
Then today I get a call from my daughter in-law telling me that my son lost his job today. FFS!!!!!!! He had no idea it was even coming. Right before Christmas too. Normally I could help them out but again, this year I can't.
To top it off, this is the son that barely speaks to me. He called his Dad and his brothers and told them but not me. It breaks my heart. It just simply hurts so bad. His birthday is in 6 days and he is going to be 36. I made him his favorite cookies and sent a gift. I love him so much.
Whenever there is a problem with the kids I call my ex or email him and we talk about it. The assface never called or contacted me. I go out of my way to make sure the boys call their Dad and give him the heads up when the boys need to talk to him. Does he do that for me?? Hell no.
My daugher in-law is wonderful and told me how sorry she is that my son won't call me but she wanted me to know. Damn, I love her.
I have been extra sensitive and even this site is getting me down. I go into chat but don't feel a part of things or that people leave when I get there. Even the people that are normally friendly with me don't seem to want to talk. Now I know that most of that is just me but maybe there is just something wrong with me that drive people away. That even sounds stupider now that I typed it out!!!!
Damn, this sounds like a freakin pitty party and I hate that so much. I guess somedays a little self pitty can not be avoided.
I just need a bottle of wine and a hot bath and a good night's sleep.