I try so hard to keep a good attitude. I fight when that horrible depression feeling starts to creep up on me. I have been doing great but in the last few days it is getting the best of me.

My husband got layed off last week so money is tight. I have bought gifts for my 7 grandkids and my mother in-law but none for my sons or daughter in-laws. It makes me feel terrible. I love to give gifts and usually I do a lot for them but this year I can't. I have told them and of course they all understand but I feel like such a loser.

I want to be with them for Christmas but we simply can not afford the 6 hour trip and the roads are crap anyway. The thought of not seeing them for the holidays is almost too much.

Then today I get a call from my daughter in-law telling me that my son lost his job today. FFS!!!!!!! He had no idea it was even coming. Right before Christmas too. Normally I could help them out but again, this year I can't.

To top it off, this is the son that barely speaks to me. He called his Dad and his brothers and told them but not me. It breaks my heart. It just simply hurts so bad. His birthday is in 6 days and he is going to be 36. I made him his favorite cookies and sent a gift. I love him so much.

Whenever there is a problem with the kids I call my ex or email him and we talk about it. The assface never called or contacted me. I go out of my way to make sure the boys call their Dad and give him the heads up when the boys need to talk to him. Does he do that for me?? Hell no.

My daugher in-law is wonderful and told me how sorry she is that my son won't call me but she wanted me to know. Damn, I love her.

I have been extra sensitive and even this site is getting me down. I go into chat but don't feel a part of things or that people leave when I get there. Even the people that are normally friendly with me don't seem to want to talk. Now I know that most of that is just me but maybe there is just something wrong with me that drive people away. That even sounds stupider now that I typed it out!!!!

Damn, this sounds like a freakin pitty party and I hate that so much. I guess somedays a little self pitty can not be avoided.

I just need a bottle of wine and a hot bath and a good night's sleep.

2 Comments
  1. Tim_Burton_Is_God 13 years ago

    Hi Maggie, sorry to hear about your husband getting laid off – Unfortunately it's happening to more and more people this Xmas. Last year, I couldn't afford to spend much on presents, either, so I got creative and made some of them… Maybe you could do that? You're obviously a good cook, so how about cookies or jam or a fancy cake or something? There's also things like artwork, beaded jewellery, cushion covers, soft toys, knitted clothes, etc. I think handmade gifts are lovely and since they are from the heart, it's much more personal than a store-bought item.

    I hope your depression lfts, soon – I'm having the same problem att he moment. Hugs.

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  2. Freesome 13 years ago

    "I just need a bottle of wine and a hot bath and a good night's sleep."

    I hope you did ^^^^^^^^^^

    Well hun, today is a new day, so in the words of "Sister Mary Sunshine", "turn that frown upside down".  God, dontcha' hate when people say that?  Thing is, it's corny but true.  You allow yourself to wallow for a night (or day or two), then pick yourself up, dust off, and decide on a plan of attack.  Times are rough indeed, and the lost jobs are happening everywhere….so how do you turn that frown upside down?  By looking at history.  Economic downturns are a fact of life.  We can count on them happening, and count on them directly effecting us and our families.  Do we lay down and die? Starve to death? No we don't.  People worldwide made it through the great depression.  If our grandparents could do it, damn it, so can we because we're cut from the same time of cloth.  Deal with the problems day by day and don't worry yourself about the future right now….it'll only make you more depressed and anxious.  Tell yourself when you wake up that anything you have to face today has some sort of solution, you just have to find it.

    As for the Xmas gifts, give yourself a pat on the back for making sure the kids are covered.  Everyone in your family understands, and hell, adults don't need gifts….we "got ours" long ago.  Would you be pizzed off at a family member that truly couldn't afford to give you a gift? No you wouldn't, so stop beating yourself up over it.  Make the holidays the best that you can with what you've got and take pride in it…no matter how small the occasion is.  I know that you know that there are billions of others in your situation…and worse.

    As for your son, I can't comment.  I don't have enough history to do so, but if you love him as you stated, then there has to be a way to work through it.  Launch a new plan of attack on that situation….and in the meantime take joy in the fact that your daughter-in-law is there for you…imagine if she wasn't?

    As for you being accepted in chat…..I think you might be judging yourself harsher than you should again.  I've seen ya in there, and have had quite a few laughs at your comments.  I consider you a very likeable and contributing chatter…..I don't think anyone is overlooking you…..ya stuck out in this crazy mind of mine.  Put the thought that you don't fit in right out of your head….you count…..so there!! 😛

    Lastly, hang in hun…..things WILL get better, its just gonna take some time…hold your head up through it all Maggie….you do count.

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