So it's been ages since i've written a blog, not that I havent felt the need to… but more or less, laziness.
I've been thinking a lot about my past and present, the people around me… Myself. People say that you should cut out the negative influences in your life, to stop finding excuses… The thing is, how do you cut out those negative people when they're your own mother?
She's been with her boyfriend for over three years and lately, well for the last year and a half if not more… she's just been so negative about everything. I willadmit she does have it difficult because he always works and she's looking after his children, which the youngest is a four year old, who she claims doesn't care about anyone and all of this other stuff… When she tells me… I honestly feel like just screaming at her… "he's a god dam four year old! How is he even capable of doing this?" I honestly just think that everything she resents about her boyfriend and their life situation she is taking out on him, putting everything she has, her anger, her pain, her annoyance onto him because she refuses to say it to her boyfriend because he "doesn't listen" well neither does a four year old, and I get it, you're raising someone else's child but you cannot treat him this way, none of this is his fault, not even the way he is as much as you may think it.
I just dont know what to do… I feel like sometimes I should go away for a week just to discover who I am… but then I dont want to worry my boyfriend, we've been together for nearly a year and a half now. Thing is, there's issues there too. He doesn't like to go places spontanuesly where as i do. That's all I am really, this big jack in the box, you never know where i'll pop out.
I'm just so, confused… lost, everything. All with my life right now. I want to be a better person… but its so hard when my mother is nothing but depressed and resentful against the world. I had a sudden realization about being bitter…
Being bitter is your own choice. No one actually hates you unless you make them, or they're just jerks, the world isn't actually out to get you and people aren't there just to shit in your face… These words go out to anyone reading this right now…
Do not waste your life always thinking the worst, I know that sometimes it may very well feel that way, but trust me, there will come a time in your life, may that be tomorrow, a month from now or ten years from now, where you realise that life isn't as bad as you made it out to be, and you'll regret it. All that time you've waisted being angry, you could have used on changing your life, on focusing on that something great you always wished you could be.