As the air around us all gets warmer, I have fond memories of my wife, and what we used todo both outside and inside (I guess she was a very summery person…) With these memories comes sort of a bittersweet combination of emotions…and pain. Lots of pain. I guess it seems wrong of me to remember what my wife and I used to this time of year. (Gardening, hiking, exploring, ahh the memories.) As it seems to me that it feels a bit like cheating on my girlfriend. (I've never cheated on anyone) I don't know why I feel like that, because I feel like for one; It's not, and two, I can't help it.

Which brings up more memories, one being Germany. I lived in Germany for most of my life, and can speak German pretty well. It's also the place I met my wife, married my wife, bought a home, create a buisness, and many other gems of my life. I still own the home I bought there years ago, and I've been back there to check on it quite recently. I was, however, hoping to return to Germany in October (Oktober) for Oktoberfest and partake in that and other things as to sort of…re-live fond memories of my life. I have seldom missed an Oktoberfest celebration, and I would be sad for missing it, as I will let some of my German buddies that I still stay in touch with down.

My girlfriend, however, does not want to go…which…is…inconvienient. She is from Ireland, she has participated in Oktoberfest celebrations before. She thinks they are all the same and "All it's going to be is a bunch of drunks, doing stupid -" Which I'll admit is a definite part of Oktoberfest all around the globe. I have told her though, it's just going to be me and couple of guys hanging out. I just want to see my old buddies, y'know? Check on the house. That sort of stuff. I also want to visit the NATO base over there, see some friends there. I told her I would include things she wanted to do too. It could be a vacation for us, maybe go to France ;)? Buuut no…. She told me I could go by myself, but I really don't want to leave her for a whole month by herself in my apartment. It's not a trust issue.

So I'm hoping to figure something out with her up until, well, Oktober.

Oh gee look at the time, I thought I would be asleep by now because of my anti depressant. I guess tonight it feels like keeping me awake.

I missed my shrink today while I was in my deep sleep. So she came here, to my apartment. Caught me a little off guard…She had thought that I was really unstable and wanted to check and see if I was alright, which I hope I am.

Uhh, less'see what else…Oh! I bought Axis and Allies (classic board game) for a decent price. That got me a little excited. I was hoping to take it to Germany because my friends there used to play board games with my wife and I…but whatever I suppose.

You know? I feel like I know why I think of my wife when the weather gets warm…Our anniversary will be June third…Thats comming right up…

Now I can't stop thinking about her, I guess I'll sign off. Gn8 m8s

js