I've been feeling over-anxious lately. Can't shake this nervous ball of worry in my gut. I don't know whether or not it's the changing seasons or my job situation but I seem to fluctuate between feeling exhausted and feeling as though something terrible is about to happen–my car will break down and cost more money than I have, or I'll get sick and my work will fire me over my attendence score, or I'll say something ugly to a customer and get a bad rep for being mouthy…etc.

DH gave me money for a cat as my early birthday present and on the way to the humane society, my car began to overheat–I felt like I had no business getting a pet when I couldn't support myself. I felt like giving DH his money back and telling him I didn't need a birthday gift. We need other things. I don't feel like I deserve it. My car is breaking down and I'm too scared to bring it in and find out the cost. It's got to be done though–here comes another charge to my credit card. *sigh*

So now I have a kitten, and I'm not sure if she'll stay. I think she's got colitis–as was evident by the little gift she left in a corner of our living room. I'm supposed to have 2 days after adoption to take her to a vet and have her health checked so I can exchange her for a healthier cat, but that's at our expence. I guess I'll describe the problem to the HS and see if they'll let me save my money for another cat, since she's obviously unhealthy. Too bad. She's cute (but completely unresponsive to our voices). I think that has more to do with being stuck in a cage with minimal contact with people. Guess I can relate.

Speaking of which, T called me, after nearly two years of not calling, and invited us to the Legion for a Halloween kereoke (sp?) party. I guess her little group of drunks is in need of replenishment…? Last time I talked to our friend-in-common C, we both agreed that T had become an obnoxious and selfish drunk and we were both intolerant of her invite-and-ditch tactics. I stopped calling her years ago–no big falling-out. Just me being sick of a so-called friend.

Haven't said anything to DH. We usually go out for Halloween to celebrate his birthday (which is tomorrow) but this year we decided that we'd probably stay in and conserve our money by watching horror movies and handing out candy. I feel as though I should be doing more for him, but of course, I don't have enough money for that–another heavy weight to add to the pit of worry in my stomach.

I just can't figure out what I need to feel better…

~X

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