Trying to Stay Busy…

I am a 26 year old that has suffered with anxiety and depression all my life, along with OCD in grade school for 3 years. I have a history of coping with alcohol. Ever since the COVID virus it has been getting worse. I drink to numb the pain and to not care anymore. It is a vicious cycle for me and its really scaring me because my dad is a very bad alcoholic. I haven’t seen him in 6 years because of it and I’m scared I am just like him. I have gone 4 days without drinking and I know thats not a long time but I’m proud of myself . I can’t remember the last day I didn’t have a drop of alcohol before that. So yeah I’m proud of myself. The time I always drink is if I have to leave the house. I haven’t left the house in a week so thinking about leaving without any alcohol really gives me anxiety and then follows depression. It is really hard for me to get up in the morning right now. It is also really hard for me to keep busy but keeping busy is all I can do otherwise its drinking. Anyways…im trying and I guess that is all I can really do right now. One day at a time….